Why does it hurt so much???

Everything

I know everything about him, okay maybe not everything, but everything there is to know for now.
he lived in a broken family, he brother was a crack head and he was too...but he's a year clean..or so what i thought.
his mother was kick out of the house for cheating with this military guy, his father worked so much not only that but they barely talked.
he was born and raised in Nebraska, never saw the ocean or the bright blue sky.. Nebraska was either rainy or snowy or both weather was bad. yes it was hot and humid in the summer but he always saw darkness..he needed help.

He knew everything about me, maybe not everything, but everything there is to know for now.
I lived in a nice typical home I had 5 younger annoying siblings but I still loved them...but I was broken...I was damage
my mom was divorced twice and then remarried..she was broken then she found love...my dad lives in a different state has a wife a kid.
tim my mom's ex husband abused me and almost..well you know..
I was born in California and raised for 14 in a half years..then i moved..i still didnt feel safe
i was bullied in 4th grade, physically. In 5th grade i met 3 people all one grade ahead of me and people who i call family...Joseph, Brandon, and Jesse
they help me when i was bullied....
by 6th grade my best friend, jesse...she committed suicide....she was gone i was lost, she was my sister
a year went by and by the end of 7th grade i moved to hemet...i was left with nothing...my friends were 8 hours away from me...i still didnt feel safe..
I dated a 3 guys..well 8th grade date the longest was a month no im not the whore or slut..they guys either cheated or broke up with me...
i ended up in the mental hospital, because i cut myself and my mom found out..i was in there for 2 weeks...i saw things..a girl tried killing herself..oh lord
then in the middle of 8th grade i moved again..this time it was to get away from Tim...this time is was in a different state...i had no one...i still didnt feel safe.
by October of 2014 i lost Brandon...he was in a major car accident...i was broken...then sophomore year came around and i got use to Nebraska.
Homecoming was coming close...