sometimes, the reality of the non-existent chances of you ever liking me back or even just noticing me awakens me.
it's that kind of reality check i am afraid of.
not tonight.
please.
i fall deep into my thoughts, a mass variety of mess.
from self-reflection to self-pity to acknowledgement to promised changes and a heart hopeful for a better tomorrow.
it may seem to be a refreshing routine but to be truthful, a better tomorrow is only to console. to convince. to assure my soul i'm good to finally just fall into a slumber.
i'm tired.
random opposing thoughts visit me from time to time and they make me hate myself and my actions.
why the hell are you in this hopeful, ignorant state if you're fully aware there are no chances laid out for you? if there were, you'll never find out anyway because you're such a fucking coward. make up your mind. be productive.
stop wasting your time.
sometimes, the harshness does its job and pushes me to face reality. however, it doesn't last for too long.
i am so attracted to you to an extent that it looks like i bathe myself with love potions daily. it's an unbelievable side of me.
if only you knew.
i have so much love to give and i imagine myself to be this strong support system for you, always here no matter what.
please give me a chance.
this hopeful stubbornness can be unhealthy for the mind and soul.
i am one to analyze my thoughts constantly and i always come across realization of thoughts that needs to be changed. like this, for example.
i spend so much time thinking about you, you, you. the thought and image of you is plastered in the back of my mind that i can't seem to focus on anything else.
i have made you the center of my life, my purpose of living and that should never be the case for anyone.
do not let anyone be your source of happiness.
trust no one, they say.
people change, they come and go. you pour so much maybe even all of your trust into somebody and in a snap, you can regret it just like that.
the result is an agonizing and seemingly endless pain, a pain you knew in the back of your mind that will happen when the time comes but you chose to put aside being blinded by attraction.
let yourself be your source of happiness first.
learn how to be content.
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i don't know where i was going with this honestly, but i think it portrayed the sequence of my thoughts well enough. thanks for reading! - abby
YOU ARE READING
not tonight, please
Historia Corta"i spend so much time thinking about you, you, you. the thought and image of you plastered in the back of my mind that i can't seem to focus."
