Hey, Mister In Denial (BxB)

Chapter 28: Welcome Back

Chapter 28
Welcome Back

I feel like going back to America is the worst day of my life. Of course, I'm exaggerating it. But that's what I feel. It's like I'm coming to my day of death, or where my heart will be smashed into a million of pieces again.

My parents see my hesitation as we all walk across the hallway along with the other human species. Yes, being in France for a couple of days did something to me. My parents would like to stay more, but they have a job, and I have school. Which sucks, really. They have come to terms not to extend our stay. In fact, we were supposed to stay for a few more days, according to my mother, but that plan was like just a wind. It was gone. It was just a draft, and father's reasons were valid.

Assignments and lessons and stuff were sent to my email, and believe me, I barely checked my email. See, going back to school is a total fuck-up situation for me. Teachers, probably, expect me to know the lessons, or catch up with them. But they would understand me, right? I would claim that my mind was too caught up with the other things, which led to me having no time at all to review. I answered some of my assignments, but not all. So that would be a valid reason, right? That is a valid reason, of course. My grandmother had just died, and my mind was preoccupied with her death and... other stuff. Yeah, mostly other stuff.

The more I think about school, the more anxious I get.

There's this feeling inside me that just keeps twisting and twisting, inside my stomach. As much as possible, I want Dale to stay away from me as much as possible. I'm trying to move on. And moving on is really hard. He's making it hard for me to do so. I wish I had never met him, wish that he had never gone to our school, wish that I had never tricked Gloss. In the first place, he wouldn't have come here if he didn't know that Gloss had lost his memory and would like to check up on him. It's all my fault.

Perhaps this is the payback time. After I messed Noah and Gloss, this is my karma.

I'm feeling so small. I just want to curl up, cry in the corner of my room, and block everyone out. Right here in this spot, I want to cry out loud, scream his name, and tell him I hate him. Which is not true. Because I could never hate him. I could never hate the person I love most. Dale may be an asshole, but he's my asshole guy. Even though he's never mine in the first place.

Despite what I'm feeling inside, I manage to smile at my parents. A complete fake smile. The last thing I want to happen is to worry my parents. I could hide this forever from them. And I'll make sure they will never know this, that they will never know that I'm still craving for him, wishing that he's mine, wishing him everything is just okay between Dale and I, wishing that breakup bullshit thing never happened. I have fallen hard, fallen in love with him so deep I could never raise myself or get out of the hole I made. It's all my fault. And I deserve this. I deserve the pain, the heartache, everything that is happening to me.

"Baby, let's get high, John Wayne!" Derek sings while he shakes his butt in the air, twerking, standing on my bed and I look at him weirdly. "Every John is just the same. I'm sick of their city games. I crave a real wild man. I'm strung out on John Wayne!"

"Would you just shut it?" I say, annoyed, rolling my eyes. He pouts at me. "Your voice sounds like a dying cat. Seriously. You should go ahead and talk to Nero."

"I don't have his number,"

"Because you did not get it!"

Derek, my idiot of a best friend, crosses his arms across his chest. I remember them barking out each other. I remember when Derek called him a rat and sexy in his mother tongue. Nero was clueless. I've always known he had a thing for Derek. But nah, he claimed to be straight. He always claims to be straight. "You're mean."