Tonight Is All We Have

1 - It's hard to face the music

There is one thing that I hate more than Carla Anderson, and that is paired assignments. You always end up with the goth kid or the mean girl, and your teacher always refuses to change your partner.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, feeling my head beginning to pound. I take a deep breath, the cool air doing little to soothe my headache.

Its just another day at school, and just another period of torture with Mr Woods, my English teacher. Made even worse when he'd paired Carla Anderson and I for an essay, the one girl who'd gladly pull out my life support cord to charge her phone.

The bell rings, a shrill harsh sound that washes a wave of relief over me. I gather my things and head to Mr Woods' table, who is shuffling a stack of white papers when I walk up to his table.

"Yes, is there anything I can help you with, Ms Costello?" He asks, a twinkle in his eye, similar to the one that I've seen in Mom's lately. I shake my head out of my reverie, and nod briskly at Mr Woods.

"Yes, actually." I take a deep breath. "Could I swap my partner for someone else's?"

Mr Woods, surprisingly, looks amused. "Why, may I ask? What's wrong with Carla?"

"Um, we just don't...don't really get on."

Mr Woods laughs, shaking his head. "Sorry, but no. I'm sure it won't be that bad." He adds when he sees my expression. I sigh, and mutter a goodbye when I see that he isn't changing his mind.

I head to the cafeteria, where my best friends, Kat and Kristi, wait along with Kat's almost-boyfriend Brody.

I've known Katherine Lewis all my life. She lives down the road from me, which works out quite well for when Mom gets mad at me for not doing the laundry or some shit like that, and I need to head off somewhere to chill. Kat and I met before we were in kindergarten, so we've always been close.

We'd both met Kristi Jones when we were six, and immediately befriended her. She was the shy type, and was picked on by classmates over her weight. However, once we'd befriended her, the bullying and the mean comments stopped. I guess there is strength in numbers.

"Guys, guess who I got paired with in English?" I groan, taking a bite of a slice of chicken pizza.

Kristi guesses, "Carla?" Brody laughs and shoots me a sympathetic look when I nod and bury my head in my arms.

Carla Anderson is the mean girl. Every school has one. The girl who wears super-short mini skirts inches shorter than the next girls', the one who has an army of teenage boys following her from class to class, eager to score a date or even just a kiss.

The guys at my school, honestly.

As I'm cursing the male species for existing, my reason for doing so walks straight into view. Jack Davis, ex-boyfriend; mistake on my part never to be repeated.

Once upon a time, he'd have headed to my table and slumped down next to me, but now he gets a cereal bar from the machine and walks over to Carla Anderson's table, where the rest of the guys who play soccer sit, except Brody.

I finish eat my pizza, and take a sip of pineapple juice through a straw as Kat and Brody make googly eyes at each other across the sugar-salt-pepper-tomato-sauce bottles. Kristi and I glance at each other and burst out laughing, and both Kat and Brody whip their faces around to see the cause of the joke, not getting that they're it.

I roll my eyes; they're really that oblivious. Kat has a major crush on Brody, and as for Brody...well, he's been crushing on Kat since the day he met her. However, the closest they've ever become is friends, although everyone can see the way that they look at each other couldn't be further away from the word 'friends.' Everyone sees it, besides them.

I sigh to myself. Their love is frustrating, but it's a love all the same. Sooner or later, they'd end up together. Me, however?

I laugh at the thought of me having a boyfriend. It's been about a year since I've broken up with Jack, and the memory of that breakup lingers in my thoughts like poison. With his messy blonde hair and cute smile, there was no denying that I'd fallen for him. He'd asked me out within a week, but within the next month we were over.

What he'd done was something I hoped I'd never experience again. Disloyalty in a relationship, equals months of doubting yourself and overthinking, wondering where you'd went wrong.

I shake myself out of my reverie as the bell rings, signifying the end of break. I head to my music class, my feet stopping hesitantly at the door. With a sigh, I push it open and enter. The barrage of memories that seem to encase me when I catch sight of a senior at the piano, makes my back hit the walk as I struggle to breathe.

It's been four years, but its just as hard to face the music. I prefer running away, that way you're protected in your own little shell; the box of memories and regrets remaining closed.

._._.

The rest of the school day passes in a blur, and before I know it, the bell rings, signifying the end of school for today. Kat drops me off at home, and as I enter the door I sigh.

It's been a long day, and Mom's not home again.

Entering my bedroom, I throw my backpack on the floor and jump onto my bed, feeling the soft cotton of my pillow under my cheek. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath of the familiar scent of my bedroom.

Having a single mom isn't easy, and only having a gravestone and a handful of memories of a Dad isn't either. I let my dreams take over as my eyes flutter closed, giving myself in to the thoughts that taunt me with each breath I struggle to take.

._._.

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Question of the chapter:
Favorite ice cream?