Cheater

Chapter 2

When I pull my key out of my pocket, my nerves are almost killing me. So many unanswered questions run trough my mind and I can barely concentrate on pushing the key in the small whole. I don't know what I will say to James, what I will do or how he's going to react. We fight a lot lately and I've stayed with Jo and Liam some nights but he usually called me and begged me to come home before breakfast. Now I've been away for the whole day and last night and we didn't contact each other in any way.

I carefully push the door open to reveal our apartment the way I left it a day ago. My shoes are still placed next to the door like I left them. I enter our living room searching for James secretly hoping he wasn't home either. I don't remember anything after I left and went to that club. Maybe I talked to him this night. After I met Harry.

Oh god, Harry. Only the thought of him makes my heart beat faster; in an uncomfortable way of course. My nerves began to get worse if this was even possible and I try to calm my breathing.

"James?" I quietly call him. "I'm home." I add hoping for an answer. "In the kitchen." I hear his voice and immediately turn around to follow the sound in the kitchen.

He is sitting at the kitchen table, looking down on some paper work. His blonde hair is messy and he spins his pencil in his right hand. A habit I always hated and never got used to.

"Hey, babe." I hesitantly say walking over to him. He finally looks up at me and I'm surprised by his look. Dark bags have formed under his eyes and his skin is pale. He looks tired and I assume that he didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I feel miserable to look at him like this. He looks vulnerable.

"I'm sorry." He whispers and reaches for my hand. His blue eyes water and I am surprised by his reaction to me.

"What?" The word comes out quietly almost as a whisper.

"You heard me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started arguing with you. It was my fault. I never meant to hurt you." His voice is hoarse and I can see the guilt in his shiny eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Emma. I've missed you so much. Please don't leave me, okay?"

What? Why does he think it was his fault? Why does he think I am the innocent one? I should be the one begging for his forgiveness.

Tears are running down my cheeks by the time I finally find words. "No, James. Don't be. You haven't done anything wrong." He shakes his head squeezing my hand. "Don't say this. I started yelling at you. If I hadn't you wouldn't have left. It was a stupid fight anyway. I don't want you to leave me because of this shit. Emma don't do this to me. Forgive me please."

I am speechless. So speechless. He is so clueless. I want to stab myself for being such a selfish bitch but I can't tell him that I cheated on him. That would literally rip his heart out of his chest and I can't do this to him.

He is right. He started that fight in the first place but I went away from him. I went to that club. I had sex with a random stranger. Not him.

"Please say something." But what? I can't say anything that is true and won't hurt his feelings. I swallow and use my palm to brush the tears from my cheeks.

"I'm sorry too." I finally speak. "I won't leave you. But I don't want to talk about it anymore, okay?" James nods and brings his hand to my face to wipe away my tears with his thumb. "Yeah. It's okay." I smile at him and press a kiss on his nose. "Thanks." I whisper.

I never felt so bad in my entire life. I fucked up everything and now I lied to James. I am such a bitch. I just wish James wouldn't be so nice to me. But secretly I know it won't take long until we fight again and sometime he will find out. He will find out about my lies and leave me.