TEDDY BEAR ⎯ rucas

prologue

PROLOGUE

❝ It's hard to lose someone you love and you never ever want to feel that pain again ❞

⎯ STEF FOSTER

• • •

"You know I love you right?" Lucas said. I nodded my head and smiled up at him. His green eyes were bright underneath the crappy street lamp and his hair, though disheveled, was still so beautiful. He placed his left hand on my cheek and held it there for a while. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him.

"Riley..." I could hear a different tone in his voice, like something was blocking his larynx, preventing that slight southern accent to fully come forward.

"Lucas, you can tell me. Whatever it may be." The green⎯eyed boy sighed and sat quietly for a little bit. He was nervous; this was the first time I had ever seen Lucas nervous. What had he done? What was going to happen? There was a buildup of confusion, fear, and pain in my chest and I wasn't sure if it was going to go away.

"My parents... my dad really ⎯ he got a better job in Australia. And my parents say that we have to move because he'll get more benefits and the job will help our family out."

I never understood what heartbreak was. When my friends had gone through it with their boyfriends and girlfriends, the only thing I could do was calm them down and try to guide them in the right direction. It was hard to sympathize and empathize with people when I had no clue what the hell they were going through.

It's a strange emotion ⎯ heartbreak. Everyone feels it differently and right now, I had no clue what I was feeling.

"Riley," Lucas grabbed my hands and held them so tightly in his own. "Please say something." But I didn't know what to say. I sat there, looking down at our entwined hands, wondering how many more moments like these we would have.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, maybe it was an hour, maybe it was less. Time wasn't important to me anymore.

"I'm sorry," I said. My words shocked Lucas as he snapped his head up and stared at me so intently.

"What are you sorry for?" Lucas switched positions so that I was cradled in his arms. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him.

"I took you for granted. I took our relationship for granted. I always had the idea planted in the back of my head that you and I would stay. That you would always be there. I took you and us and all of this for granted because I never thought that no one would be staying," I explained.

I didn't understand how I wasn't bawling or having a breakdown or begging him not to leave.

I expected myself to.

I expected my first heartbreak to be devastating and filled with tears and self ⎯ pity and loneliness.

But all I felt was hollowness in my chest.