TEDDY BEAR ⎯ rucas

4

4

❝ The most painful thing about heartbreaks is the way our hearts struggle to forget everything that we told them to always remember ❞

— UNKNOWN

• • •

The rest of the evening consisted of me feigning fake interest in the topic everyone else couldn't stop talking about. Each time Amanda asked who wanted more wine, I was always the first to accept her offer as well as go to the kitchen to grab another bottle.

"Faith we are just so excited for this wedding. We couldn't have imagined a better person for Lucas to marry," Mr. Friar said. I kept my composure well enough so that an audible choking sound wouldn't have occurred but not well enough that I could physically feel and hear my heart bursting out of my chest and breaking into thousands of pieces.

"Jack..." Mrs. Friar tried to get her husband to see that what he said could have set me off — which it did but that wasn't important — and then motioned her heads towards where I was sitting on a chair by myself in the living room, pretending to pay attention to the conversation.

As if on cue, everyone's heads, even my mother's, turned towards me to make sure I wasn't bawling in tears or ready to plunge a knife into St. Faith's heart.

"Why is everyone staring at me? Is there something on my face?" You could hear all the sighs of relief when they assumed I either didn't hear what was said or missed it. People were always so worried and cautious of my feelings and I hated it. I hated how they acted as if I was a porcelain doll, so fragile, that even the slightest of touches could send me shattering to the ground.

I wasn't fragile. Or weak.

"No dear you just haven't said much in the past hour. Is there anything on your mind?" Yes.

"Not particularly. Although I really should get going. I have an early day tomorrow at the office and I still have some paperwork I need to do before then."

Lying became my second nature while I was dealing with everything. I found it much easier to lie than explain why I was feeling certain things or not feeling certain things. Plus, people were much more willing to accept lies than they were to listen to my thoughts and sadness. Lying was easy and convenient.

"Oh I hadn't even realized it'd gotten so late! Well it was good to see you dear." Amanda and Jack both stood up, prepared to give me a hug. I was okay with never seeing them or anyone from dinner again. They, along with Lucas and Faith, were going to be busy with a wedding I wanted no part in, and my mother was just someone I didn't mind not seeing ever.

"Thank you for inviting me over. I hope we can do this again sometime." We exchanged our goodbyes and hugs as I started making my way towards the door. There was no need to give Lucas, Faith, or my mother a hug goodbye because I didn't know if I could've handled being near him again, I hated how perfect and holy she was, and we just didn't get along.

"Wait!" I heard Lucas shout as I had one foot out the door and was struggling to put my coat on.

"Let me drive you home," the blonde offered.

"Lucas it's fine. I drove myself, plus I don't want to leave my car here and then have to come back for it tomorrow. Don't worry about me," I said. But I wanted him to. I wanted the back of his mind to worry about the state of my driving with almost two bottles of wine in my system. I wanted him to worry about whether or not I was sober enough to even get in a car. I wanted him to worry about me possibly getting into a car crash and what he would do afterwards. I wanted that.