Vent Out

Is It Possible To Fall In Love With Two People At The Same Time?

This one is about someone who is ashamed of how she was in the past... she is angry at her self and wants to let it all out for a new start.

"I'm not proud of the person I've become today. If I look back, a few years ago I had everything planned. From what I wanted to do to, how I would achieve them. But it sucks how it didn't turn out the way I wanted.

I messed it all up because of this one guy. One bloody guy... why am I lying to my self, it was my fault all along. He played with my feelings cause the truth was I let him do that. He never loved me though he acted like it he did. It was all fake, just a pretense that I fell for.

I can't blame him though.. Why?

Cause I was the one who fell for him in the first place. When I first saw him I was the who approached him. Yah being the girl and approaching a guy might sound all creepy to some people. To be honest, even I think I acted way too desperate back then. I just wanted to get to know him. He had a bad reputation, I knew that but still, I ignored it all.

When I took the first step to talk to him I was hella nervous, but to the surprise, he talked. However, soon after I got to know he is already in a relationship.

That hurt...

But I got over it, I acted like it didn't matter. I was happy he never lied to me about being single or anything. We were close friends and I was happy just being a small part of his life.

Happy yet sad with my one-sided love.

Just when I thought I would get over this one-sided love, that's when out of nowhere he decided to ruin it for me, by saying that he is falling for me. He confessed that he knew about my feelings from right the start. I was happy and angry at the same time.

Happy cause my crush finally likes me back. He feels the same, it's not just a one-sided love. But angry cause he was still in relation with someone else, and here he was telling me, that he loves me. How the heck was I supposed to take all this in, and how the hell am supposed to believe him.

That's when he comes and say that he is in love with two people at the same time. Guess how I reacted?

I laughed my lungs out like a freak. I was going completely out of my mind. I was unable to believe him? What the frick was he saying??? Does that even make sense?

He had his way to make me believe him, of course, me being an absolute idiot I did. He did tell me that he loves me more and he wanted to be with me. Also that he can't break up with his girlfriend just yet. When I asked why, his answer was that they have a history, their families know and everyone knows about them. They were a public couple which was official, and what was I his little secret? He asked me to wait, he will come around to me.

Me being me, I believed him once again. Fell for the trap just to get my self wounded. I was his secret while she was his one true love. I waited just like he asked me to do. Did all that he asked for. Well, I was hurt and upset but I was good at hiding it.

I felt like a slut, a homewrecker. I told him how I have started to feel about my self, but he just put the topic down by saying that it's not like that, that I'm not wrecking any body's home or life. Just one "I love you" from him, would make me forget everything. Hell, I was crazy.

This went for about two years, I spent two years of my life waiting hopelessly over him, but things started to change, he started to change. It was when he moved to another city cause of studies. He started becoming distant. Days wold go by without any news from him. I assumed that he must be busy, while deep down I knew that he was bored and done with me.

It was the time of my final examinations. My future depended on that but I couldn't completely concentrate on it. My result didn't come out the way I wanted. I passed but it was not with the level I expected I would. I knew I could have done much better if I was not this messed up at that moment.

My biggest fear turns out to be true when one time I was done with him ignoring me. I was running out of patience, I decided to call him up, but he never answered. I tried like a thousand times but he never answered me. it was already crystal clear to me that he is done with me, yet I still didn't want to admit it to myself.

I never thought I would ever hear from him, but that's when he called me up, I was so happy he did but that didn't last long.. he called me up to say that it was over. That he doesn't love me anymore. That he is happy with his girlfriend, he wanted me to be out of his life...

I went numb... I couldn't believe that he was actually saying this. me without saying anything the line went off...

I cried my lungs out, the pain was unbearable. I never thought I would stop crying. I cried my self to sleep.

The only person who knew about my situation was my best friend, but even she couldn't be there with me to hold me, cause even she was out of the city for studies. I was alone, I have no idea how I handled my self, how I was able to hide all of this from my family.

I wasted almost 3 years of my life waiting in the hope that the one I love finally could be mine.

For three fucking years.

Fuck I was stupid.

But I still have this question hanging around my chest.

Why did he do that? what did he get from doing this?

I never got physical with him, we never had sex. As far I went with him was just a kiss. so what did he got from this?

As I said I am not proud of the person I am today... How could I act like that??

that was a life lesson for me. I would never act like that ever again. I won't repeat the same mistakes ever again. I'm not that immature girl anymore so bye-bye past and fuck you.

Cheers for a new beginning...... Hopefully a better one."