Short Stories // Jocelyn Cipponeri

Last Breath

((This is basically a longer, better version of the last one I did. This one will also soon be available on Amazon! Hopefully this will get reads so I can get feedback before then.))

Why do I feel like I'm drowning?

Hi, my name is Evalyn Johnson and I love the water. But, why do I feel like I'm drowning? This is my escape; the only place I can go when I need to calm down. The only place I can run to when my parents are fighting or when there are too many people over. The only place I can run to, where there is plenty of room for me, and I will never be rejected. This ocean, it practically feels like it's all mine. I'm always only here when it's empty, when nobody else feels like being around. But, why should I complain? I love being the only one in this body of water. I love having it all to myself. It's an amazing place to escape to, an amazing place to be free. I lay here, floating in the water for hours. For what reason? The water washes away the pain. It takes every single stress and every single worry out of my body and floats away with every single wave that hits me. It takes those things, and washes it to the shore, where every single person who walks on it the next day can bury it for me as they run across the sand. Sometimes, when there are no waves, the water will slowly drag everything out of me and take it down to the bottom of the ocean, far, far away so I don't even have to look at it anymore. I feel everything slowly pour out of me, making its way deep into the ocean where it belongs, in any given direction. Afterwards, I feel free. I feel alive again, and I feel like there is a true meaning of being in this world.

So why do I feel like this time, I'm drowning?

I run to the water, quick to escape the yelling from my parents, demanding I come back. Quick to escape all of the neighbors walking out of their houses and all of the neighbors looking out of their windows to see what's going on. I needed escape, and I needed it quick. But for some reason, I felt like this time, it wasn't an escape of freedom. I felt attacked, I felt like I didn't belong anymore. With everybody looking between my parents and I, with everybody finding out where I've been escaping to, it doesn't feel like my ocean anymore. No, it never was mine, not at all. And now, with everybody staring at me, I realize this. This has been the truth the whole time. I've never escaped, I've never been free. I've just been running away from my problems, trying to find an excuse to get rid of them for just a little bit longer. I make my way into the water, floating and trying to convince myself that it will work just one more time. Just one more time, I want to be free. I want to realize that this is all a dream, that this is still my safe place and this is where I really belong. I can't stay floating; my body won't let me.

The water won't let me.

It's telling me to give up, telling me that I should stop trying and just give in. But why should I give in? I don't deserve the yelling; I don't deserve all of the people who always take over my house and kick me out. I deserve to stay here, in the safest place I know. But, it isn't so safe anymore. I'm laying here, trying to keep myself above water, trying to save myself. Why isn't it working? I've started crying by now; I can't escape. The water is pulling at me more and more. I can't control it. My mom started running by now, trying to get to me as fast as she can. No, I don't want her help. By now I'm already halfway underwater, the strong waves taking over me. I can feel it taking me away. Maybe, just maybe, it really is saving me. It's helping me escape the real world, although I'm still afraid. My head makes its way above water one last time, as the very last thing I see is my parents before falling back underneath. Their very last sight of me, was the sight of my hand above water, feeling the fresh air one last time.