CrankGamePlays Imagines ||

panic attacks

you've been sitting in your car for ten minutes., even though it felt like an hour. your hands still locked on the steering wheel. your eyes fixed on the wall in front of you. your surroundings still. everything was fine. but your brain was going a million miles a minute.

it sparked during seventh hour of school that very same day. you don't even know what triggered it. and it's hell.

your stomach is churning. your throat feels like it's closing. your legs feel like they've gone numb. your hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly, your knuckles have gone white. your breathe is rigid and uneven. your eyesight is blurry and unfocused.

panic filled every fiber of your being. anxiety flowed through your veins. overthinking consumed your thoughts. your anxiety had been gone for months. but it decided to come back and hit you like a truck.

the only thing that brought you out of the trance you had made for yourself was the small vibration from your phone that was sitting alone in the passenger seat. you pried your fingers from the steering wheel and moved a shaky hand to the device.

the message was from your boyfriend, ethan. "good afternoon, my love! are you coming home right after class?"

that's when it hit you how long you had just been sitting out in front of the apartment you two shared. the two of you had been dating since freshman year of college, choosing to live in an apartment together once you had the option sophomore year. he'd seen his fair share of your panic attacks, and yet you were still sitting blankly outside of your apartment, petrified of going inside. petrified that maybe, just maybe, this time the anxiety would be too much for him.

the phone vibrates one more time in your hand, bringing you a tiny bit closer to reality yet again.

"babe?"

you move your shaky fingers over the keys. "i just got home. i'll be right in."

you hit send before throwing your phone into your purse, instantly filled with regret over such small phrases.

you could have just said no. you could have gone somewhere to calm down. you could have....

your hands wrap around the handle of your backpack, slinging it over your shoulder. you nagar to swing your legs out of the car. your legs feel like jelly, the sensation getting worse with every step you take. the stairs seem like such an impossible task, but you manage to get past them without even realizing it. your trembling hands fumbling with your apartment keys, hardly being able to find the lock.

once you had managed to get into your apartment after what felt like hours, but was merely seconds, you felt the anxiety in your veins accelerate. your brain froze. but your body kept moving. taking off your shoes with shaking hands. flinging your backpack into the floor by the door. carefully taking off your jacket.

once his voice hit your ears, you feel your heart skip a beat.

"baby."

you can hear the concern in his voice. it just makes the panic fill you to the brim. you turn your head to make eye contact with him. his beautiful blue eyes are filled with concern and confusion. his bright blue hair in ruffles. his t-shirt slightly raised, exposing just the slightest bit of skin. his sweatpants low, trapping the legs beneath his feet. you watch as he takes a few steps towards you, holding out an arm to cradle your face, but your body tenses.

"y/n, what's wrong?" his voice filled with nothing but love. his hand found its way to your cheek, making the two of you hold eye contact. his other hand resting on the small of your back. you could feel the warmth on his skin, bringing reality to a halting stop. your eyes began to release the tears they had been making, bringing the loving blue boy to say nothing but comforts.

"hey, hey," he cooed. one hand went further into your hair, the other wrapping farther around your hip, forcing the two of you closer together.

"no- don't-" you start. he just holds you tighter. "you can't- i'll just-"

"shhhh."

"ethan-"

"you're okay," he whispers. his warmth taking over you, bringing your surroundings to a stand still.

"i can't b-breathe," you stutter.

"baby girl, you're okay. i'm here." you could feel his thumb start to rub the bit of skin right behind your ear. the sensation was so calming it caused you to take a shaky intake of breathe. you buried your face into his chest, your makeup stained tears getting all over him. his welcoming scent engulfing you.

"i'm here," he whispered. "i'm here, baby. and i always will be."

you wrap your arms around his back, gripping handfuls of the fabric as you released all the built up anxiety through your tears. the soft touches of ethan rubbing your back and head relaxing your body. his soothing coos in time with your sobs. his steady arms holding you closer with each passing minute.

eventually your breathing steadied and your body finally relaxed. you could feel the soft touch of ethan's lips give you a kiss on the forehead.

"how about we get you into some pajamas, okay?"

you slowly shake your head in agreement as ethan released from the embrace. he carefully grabbed your hand, guiding you to his bedroom. he had you sit on his bed while he picked out his comfiest pair of sweats and your favorite hoodie of his.

once you were in fresh clothes, ethan carefully tucked you into the covers of his bed and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. he climbed into the bed on the other side, wrapping his strong arms around you. his thumb made careful circles on the back of your palm.

"ethan," you breathed ever so quietly.

"yes, love?"

"i love you."

"i love you, too."