Steadily Breaking

Chapter 9

I was lying in my bed when it happened.

Sleeping.

I got a call.

It was three in the morning.

It was from Viv.

I didn't even have to pick it up.

I knew what it was.

I knew what she had to say.

It wasn't that hard to piece together.

I knew it was coming.

I grabbed my Squirtle and hugged it tightly, not letting go for the fear of what would happen if I did, and let the tears run down my face.

Not many moments after, my room door opened and the light came on.

"Oh baby," my mom said, sitting on my bed, running her fingers through my hair,"I'm so sorry."

I squeezed my eyes closed tightly and prayed to anything that was good and holy that this was nothing but a terrible dream.

"Why does it hurt so bad?" I asked.

My mom sighed,"It always hurts when you lose someone you love."

I remember crying and crying and crying that night.

I didn't leave my room.

I didn't get out of bed.

I didn't try to.

People came in and out, whispering little nothings and apologizing, but the one person that I wanted here simply wasn't.

I remember getting a text from Kaitlin. She had told me that Vivian and Victor were going to be staying with us until they could sell their house.

Viv came in a couple of times throughout the day and we would cry together.

"Why did he do it?" She asked.

I wanted to answer.

I really did.

I just couldn't.

I had no idea why.

The next day came by agonizingly slow.

I knew I would have to get up.

Viv and Victor were going back to the house and they were going to go through his room.

I couldn't just not go.

If there was any explanation as to why he would go like that, I wanted it.

I dragged my lazy ass out of the bed and let out a long sigh.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Kaitlin asked from the doorway.

I shook my head.

"Are you going to be okay?"

I shook my head.

"Do you want a hug?"

I shook my head.

I didn't want a hug from anyone, but him, but he couldn't do that for me anymore.

"Okay. Hurry up. Viv and Vic are leaving soon," Kaitlin said before leaving.

I cringed at the sound of his name.

I know she didn't mean to, but Vic was Vic and Victor was Victor.

/-/

I walked into the house behind Vivian and frowned.

I had spent so much time here growing up and I couldn't believe that pretty soon, I wouldn't be stepping foot in it ever again.

"I'll give you a moment to go in there by yourself. We need to pack Mike's room," Viv said with a sorrowful expression.

I nodded and walked up the stairs to his room.

When I opened the door, I found the room exactly as it always had been.

Slightly messy, but neat at the same time.

It was as if he was still here.

"If you were going to leave this world," I muttered,"How could it be without me?"

I stopped at the desk where a picture of me and Vic at the carnival sat standing.

In my arms, I was holding my beloved Squirtle and in Vic's arms, he hugged me.

The picture was from a couple years back, but it felt like it had just been one, small day.

Vic was happy. I was happy.

"I guess I never should have loved you," I muttered,"But I do forever cause you loved me. Without you, there is no me."

I placed the picture back on the desk and looked over at his bed.

Crawling onto it, I caught his smell. Like the pine trees in the summertime.

The tears started welling in my eyes as it hit me that he was never coming back.

Vic was gone and I would never see his beautiful eyes again.

"I'll miss you," I said, taking his pillow and burying my crying face in it.

"Kellin," Vivian called from the doorway,"We're going to clean out Vic's room now, okay?"

I nodded, sitting up and willing my tears away but failing miserably.

"Uh, yeah. I'll help."

As I was making my way off the bed, I saw a folded paper on the night table.

I reached out, picking it up, only to find that it had my name on it.

"What is that, Hun?"

I opened it and saw Vic's sloppy writing.

"Oh my gosh," I cried, tears slipping out onto the paper, "It's a suicide note."