I'm an impulsive person. Sometimes. Which also shows I'm indecisive. I suck at making choices and I made the wrong one. Usually I don't have too much guilt but this was the worst one but we'll get to that another time. In the mean time...so it's another boring day with boring people. My trick is alone being sad, oh how I wish I could help her. It's hard because I know she wants to see me and that she loves me. But I'm not allowed to go to her house and that's so hard cause my moms always been an equal person. If I have friends she wants to know that I'm there for them and they're there for me. So when one of my friends can only ever come to my house it's tough for her to understand. I try my best to explain that Ashley's my best friend and that her parents are weird and anti-social. My mom can be a ticking time bomb so I always have to be careful to not bug her too much with asking for things...my brother isn't the best behaving son like most teachers(and adults in general) think he is cause he's charming, overly polite attitude. It's all an act, or maybe it's just all he can give. For when he comes home, he unleashes his inner hatred and ugliness for us. Ever since Dad died it's been shaky in our house. You could say unstable. From the urging to the guilt games it's never ending. I wish ashley would talk to me more about her problems, it makes me feel less shitty cause I feel like all I do is complain to her about mine... I try to be a good friend and ask her about shit but a lot of the times I'm upset after a fight. But tonight was different I was away from the yelling but into the drama. Bailey invited me to sleepover (ever since my dad died she decided to step up in my life and try to make me better, little did she know only few people could make me smile). It's been confusing lately, I've been really sweet to trick. It just comes naturally..I want to make her feel special. Like it's my duty. But I'm confused to as what I want...I made a comment about her basically being my girlfriend...I mean yes I said it to hint at it..is this want I really want? Yes. I want someone to love me...I need someone...I need trick. She's the person I need right now...I'm gonna just go with my gut. I'll hint some things at her..just let it play out right? Everything will turn out fine right? Yeah yeah it will.
