Since When Do You Love Me

Chapter 5

Songs for this chapter

I miss you//5sos cover

Scars//Papa Roach

You're insane//Escape the fate

Pain//Three Days Grace

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JOJO'S P.O.V.

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Three days.

They've made her stay here for three f.ucking days. And none of it is helping. I know she hates it in there, all she talks about when I see her is forgetting about the whole thing and trying to move on. This isn't easy on her, me, or her mom. I've been over there everyday since the, uhh, "accident", and she has broke down crying each time. This isn't the first time she's gone to the hospital for these type of things, but its like this each time, for all of us. I think they're finally letting her go today, I mean I hope they are. I can't count on anything though because like they've told me before, "We want to try and make sure she doesn't come back in a similar situation."

"Uhm, excuse me sir," the doctor said as I was sitting in the waiting room.

"Yes?"

"Emily will be released in a few hours. you can go see her now or wait until later when you take her home. I will assume you're going to wait so you can get her mother, but feel free to do anything you'd like," the doctor smiled and walked off before I could say thank you.

I walked to where Emily was staying.

Section Yellow Room 9

"Hey Em," I smiled.

"Hey," she seemed irritated.

"The doctor said I can take you home in a few hours."

"I know."

"Do you want me to go get your mom and come back, when you're ready to leave, with her?" I asked. it was getting a bit awkward because of her mood.

"No," she said without hesitation. "She'll only make the situation worse. She always does."

"Okay, okay I won't. And Em I know you're not in the best mood, but still. That's your mother and she is having a very hard time with this and you know it."

"No I don't know that, Joseph."

She was pissing me off on purpose and to be completely honest I wanted to tell her off and leave her here.

"If she was having a hard time at all with this then she wouldn't of been yelling at me yesterday when you went to go get food and left her with me."

"Well, I di-"

"She told me that she has anxiety attacks because of me. Whenever I do the tiniest thing that might somewhat be worrisome she has one and according to her it's all my fault. She said it's ALL my fault. Everything is my fault. Everything. I mean I know she's right because I'm f.ucking pathetic, bu-"

I cut her off, "Okay, just wait. I'm sorry I didn't know she said any of this to you and she's wrong about it. She doesn't know the half of it but neither do you on her side. she was frustrated and just speaking out of anger and just, just, I don't know, hurt. She was just hurt that you did this again, but she also doesn't know why you're doing it. I know she doesn't want you mad because she thinks you're delicate.."

She opened her mouth but I quickly cut her off. "Before you say anything, I know you're not, but you can't really blame her for thinking that. I mean she didn't do this, she doesn't know why you're doing it and she for sure doesn't want to make you do it herself."

When I was done it was silent for a minute until, Emily got up and hugged me as tight as she could. Then whispered, "Thank you," in my ear and walked out of the room to go get changed into the clothes I brought her yesterday.

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EMILY'S P.O.V.

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I walk to the bathroom clothes in hand and I change, slowly. I was thinking about what JoJo said and I realized, he's right. Well not about everything, but some things.

I smile at my own thoughts.

(Holy f.uck I'm weird)

I walk back to my room fully dressed except for the jacket I hold in my hands. As I was changing I looked down at my thighs and winced as I saw the marks etched into my smooth skin.

Why do I always do this to myself? Why must I make permanent marks on this skin? There's only a limited time of relief, then all feeling is once again lost. For just a minute you feel alive then once again you feel worthless, dead, even. You feel, as if no one cares again, as if now you're even more worthless. You're losing more blood, more dignity and less, and less, and less respect for your own being. So, there you go again, treating yourself like shit and making yourself look the same way to others, that you already see yourself...

Dead.

***

I'm home now, but haven't forgotten who I am. Neither have my blades that are hiding in my drawers. No one knows where they hide, except for their user, whom they taunt with their endless shame. For every second you sit there, alone, bored, wanting something to do, they just lay there, blood stained metal getting rusty and waiting to be discovered by someone other than their user. But mine never will, they'll forever be in that drawer or in my hand gathering more blood from my body until it is too dull and needs a replacement.

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(A/N)

Okay sorry for the long wait and short chapter but I swear now I'm gonna update more :) Thank you guys for reading I can't believe I have over 800 Reads and don't forget to vote guys. Love you!

~Becca <3