Numb

3.Trifle parts

Little things that had no significance in the past, which had not been nurtured well in the past life began a turmoil of thoughts in the confused mind and it was now difficult to grasp what really mattered and what not, for in the days that followed she had began to wonder if those triflings had meant something, a hidden message she couldn't grasp in her young mind of the past, but what really disturbed her was that she still couldn't get through the confusion and what was more confusing was the fact that she wasn't sure if it was her heart or the mind or soul that had been playing the incomprehensible game of being confused.

In the rational mind, she felt she needed to be liberated of this very uncertain confusion for it let her heart stray made her mind wonder and made her soul empty. Wanting to get away from even her trifle parts that stayed in her memory she tried so hard as to leave her past behind for she felt scared that if she stayed in the thoughts of her past too long she would regret and lament about her present, for all happiness she knew and experienced belonged to her past, she didn't want to haunt her present by dwelling too much in her past. The past she knew so well held all the trifle parts which she thought were unsignificant, but now in the light of the present began to throw her the realization that they were the best parts of her life which would constantly remind her of her well past. Those moments of happiness which she had regarded as 'trifle parts' really were the most prominent parts duly noted for bearing the hidden message that 'happiness lasted only few moments and that sadness accompanies it'. She had been too naïve to have grasped it at her young tender age and these thoughts polluted the mind of her present self. the 'trifle parts' mattered a lot to her after all.
For no matter how much she tried to disown the trifle parts she always found herself rummaging back to her past . The past seemed a better pleasing place, for in it she always had managed to keep going but now in the present she wondered if she could reckon herself to push a miniature step forward.
   But maybe she could try to push on and find a reason within the trifle parts of her past to get going with her life.