Numb

4.Fervours

  The sad desire for happiness had cowered on her and she knew not if she could ever attain happiness, for all she knew she was coveting big things, things which may never be hers to acquire. But deep down in her heart she knew happiness lay far for her if she failed to catch a hold on her dreams and she knew deep in her heart those were never hers to be but yet without those she would never be able to attain her so coveted happiness.
  It is not a sin to dream of fantasies but to live in a world of fantasies only would probably be a wrong thing to wish for. Asking what was not meant for her is greed and greed is a sin. It was better to let go of her fantasies for with them she was a dweller in her own world of fantasies that always led her away from the real world.
  It is wrong to wish for so many but she couldn't help wishing for so much, she wished for a normal life filled of all emotions, a life loved by everyone, a life worth sacrificed by her dear ones, a life worth for to share with a man that she could dream of and share every single day, a life of health which she never had, a life that well sufficed for her but most of all she craved for a love that was worth fighting for. But she knew deep down that she was asking for too much and she couldn't help but wonder why she was born never to have what she wanted. She felt injusticed but what could she do for all she knew she was all alone in the huge menacing world, a world that harboured only the survival of the fittest.
  She knew best her fervours were less cared or not even noticed by no matter how much she tried to give into it.