Alman's chronicle

chapter two, in which Alman meets a legend

Two guards sat on the inside of the gate, bearing halberds and irritated expressions. Soldiers are usually not assigned to guard the inner gate, but tonight was different. A strange man had arrived in Kurbengraad with a knife in his gut. The royal priest had identified him as the assassin Alman, who was as legendary for his failed jobs as he was for the brutal murders of his clients. It was decided that he would be executed that night, and if this failed they did not want him escaping. If he so much as left his room he was to be killed on sight. But Kurbengraad had a strict curfew, and all that putting guards on the exit had done was scare the urchins who normally slept on the streets into hiding. To the guards’ excitement and surprise, a figure began approaching from the shadows. It was on horseback and appeared to be covered in layers and layers of cloth.

     “Halt!" one of the guards said. "What are you doing up past curfew? Come into the light where we can see you!" The figure stopped, and all was silent for a short time. Finally, there came an odd laughter.

     "OOOOHOOHOOHOOHOO Goodness me!" It said in a high pitched voice that was either one of the many rich old women that live in Kurbengraad or an extremely drunk old man pretending to be a woman. "I seem to have forgotten all about the curfew! Well, it is fortunate for all of us that I am leaving Kurbengraad anyways, I would hate to cause trouble! Alright, I'll come out then, just a moment!" She said in that same strange voice. The figure rode into the torchlight, where she could be identified as an eccentric aristocrat. She wore a feather boa that moved and writhed all on its own, as though it were alive, and had a massive flowery hat which was coated with exotic plants, some of which seemed quite poisonous. She had a leopard skin coat that looked as heavy as it probably felt, and a bright pink billowing dress decorated with live lizards, which paled only in comparison to her face, which was absolutely coated with make up so that she looked more like a clown than anything else. The second guard turned to face the wall, stifling laughter that would most likely wake the whole kingdom if not restrained, and the first simply said "S-state your name please." In a much more lighthearted tone than he had initially.

     "Ooh yes, my name. That. My name. It is..........Ms. Merrington Poppinsworth the two hundred and fifty second!" At this, the second guard completely lost control, and let loose a raucous fit of laughter. 

     "A-alright then, ma'am, you may pass. But first tell me, did you see any suspicious looking persons on your way here?"

     "Suspicious?! Oh goodness no, but I did see a very strapping fellow walking in the direction of the tavern. Said his name was All-man or something like that. Good day then!" She said, and rode through the open gate.

     The figure rode for some time before finally stopping at the edge of a great forest, so large and imposing that no sane man would enter it without anything other than the finest possible reason for doing so. It was here that the woman removed the boa from round her neck and the hat from her head, and all the other ridiculous garments she had been wearing, and removed the collapsing shovel from the saddle bags on her horse and began to dig. She kept digging until a satisfactory hole had been dug, into which she threw everything except the feather boa and the horse. As she began to wipe the makeup from her face, and pulled the wig from her head, it got easier and easier to tell that she was not a woman at all, but a man. Alman, to be specific. As he climbed back onto the horse, the boa, which still sat round his neck, said "Surely there was a better way to do that."

     "No, there actually was not." he said in a disgruntled tone. "If you think I enjoyed that experience, Skjall, you are gravely mistaken. But it was the only way to do it that did not involve killing at least one innocent man."

     "No men are innocent, Alman. If you are to take away any knowledge from the journey that lies ahead, let it be that." Skjall said. Alman, now completely clothed in his normal garb, began riding into the forest, completely unprepared for the challenges they would soon face.