The way to find you

•Letter #2•

•~•~•
[January 22, 2017]

"I'm at such a dilemma,
I want to distance myself from you,
But yet,
I don't want to lose you"
~
Unknown

It's the weekend right now. Everything is boring and killing me. I still pretend to be the girls friend. Even though she was my only best friend but I can always make another. At least that's what other used to say.
•~•~•
I dreamed of you. You and me, we were becoming a one. But it was just a dream. Nothing else. Could even be a wish. If only I could change back time. If only I could change the wish I had made. If only I could just have you back here... with me. I would be the happiest girl in history. It's all I want now. You. No one else and nothing else.

I'm still feeling guilty for saying those words to you. Know it's not true. You aren't a Jerk even if I call you stupid everyday and every time I think of you, I call myself stupid too for doing all those things to you and for falling so hard with you. I know you dedicated me a song. But I can't remember the name of it but what's the point? You are probably already with another girl who looks way prettier than me, who shows more love to you, who kisses your forehead like you always did to me before I fell asleep. Hope she feels grateful to have you and if she ever breaks your heart I swear I will come after her for the worst or good, I will do anything for you, if that made you happy. The only thing I can't help not doing is not thinking of you and dreaming of you even wishing for you. I used up my last wish though, and it came true. Guess the fairytales are right. Careful what you wish for.

Days are so dark. I came outside and sat on the bench drawing a special thing that was meant for you just in case if you came back. Yes I still believe you will come back. Just not now nor tomorrow but one day... even after a year of not talking to you or seeing you. I still believe .

Outside was really cold. I felt like if I was freezing to death. I wanted to just break down and cry. I didn't even knew why??? Then guess what? My phone died even though it was at 30%. It never did that. But it was weird... because once I couldn't take any of the cold anymore I went inside with a girl that has invited me for some coffee... nice of her, right? She even let me borrow her phone charger. We both had a small chat but what caught my attention is that she had a baby... but the guy left her. Literally he left her. I hugged the girl that shared her personal story, I didn't even ask for her name I know it was stupid. I was too busy thinking of you... again.

After minutes she and I waved goodbye. It wasn't even long, I was inside for only about 10 minutes and outside was sunny.... it wasn't cloudy, dark, lonely, cold not even quiet. No, it was sunny, warm, and the streets weren't lonely they were all crowded in busy people or people with their pets.

So Why did it feel the opposite ten minutes ago?

•~•~•
Now I'm finally back at home. It doesn't feel like home though. It feels lonely. I remember that every time I went out and came back the first thing I would do is text you.

Nothing else...

You before anything, anyone else.

You before me.

That's how much you were worth for me.

To: Red knight, my only and first Red knight

P.S: I kinda miss you...
•~•~•
And that is all for now, Have a great day !

See ya lovelies ~ xxx