The way to find you

•Letter #3•

[January, 23, 2017]
•~•~•

I hated today so much. Every single person I talked to reminded me of you. I hated that, because it's just a memory that I had, I lost you. When I shouldn't have lost you. I should have never talked to the other guy. I shouldn't have met that other guy. I wished I never met you either. Even though I knew it was my fault. But I blame it on you.
•~•~•
You were the first guy to make me blush so much I almost looked like a tomato face. You were the first guy to every talk to me and never stop. You were the first guy that would alway entertain me even in the silent moments. You were the first guy to everything. Counting the heartbreak and turning my heart into stone and heartless towards any other guy I meet. And maybe. Just maybe, you were the first guy I ever cared for more than myself and others.
•~•~•
"Even if he looks like... average you still like him? He broke your heart, Lula, But you still have feelings for that idiot!?"
That's what they all say. Guess what? Want to know my answer?
"I'm stupid. But yes, I still have the feelings. They haven't changed... not a single bit, unless you count the feelings just growing more and more with each day that passes by"
And guess what they say? Nothing. They stay quiet and have this expression of "That girl is stupid as hell" . I would think the same as myself too. You may have broken my heart into pieces but I didn't care. All I cared about was you.

That day we stopped talking. The night sky... it started to cry.

That night, I also cried. Not just a little, not a lot, but much more. Harder than ever. Felt like I couldn't breath when I cried for you. I pretended I didn't care in front of you. But I cared. I cared much more than you will ever think of.

And so I thought to myself all these things...

What have I done? I really screwed up. God I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I am really so super sorry, Red Knight. If only you were here. I would be on my knees. Begging you for one last chance. Begging so badly for the third last chance to be friends with you, again. At least let me be something good in your life other than nothing! I want to be that girl that you would always go to first when something, anything happens. I want to be that first girl that you think of everyday. I want to be that one girl that is more valuable than any other girl in your life.

Just one more chance to make up for everything I had done to you.

Because I realized I really can't live at all without you.

To: Red Knight
P.S: remember when you said we were both fading??? You were right. We were. And now we are.
•~•~•
Thankies to the ones who still continue to read :3 means so much to me!!!

Sleep good lovelies <3