Stage 4

Postponed

"Mr.Nelson?" I asked uncertainly. I don't want to admit that this man is the answer to my problems. Well, has the answers.
"Yes, Tess? You can talk to me. Don't wor-"
"I'm not worried. I just have a few questions." My hair was over my eye again and my words were as calm and quiet as I could I get them.
"About stage 1, the anti-social one, I... get shy when people are near me, but I don't need to see them."
Nelson narrowed his eyes as he considers what I said. "Can you give me an example?" I immediately thought back to last night, walking home.
"I was walking home from the park last night, and there was a group of friends." My voice dropped slightly, thinking of the group. My heart sped up a little. Not too much, but just enough for me to notice.
"I didn't even see them. I was staring at the sidewalk, and I suddenly felt like I wanted to hide in my sweatshirt."
   He looked at me in slight confusion. "You're saying that being in the presence of another human being will activate stage one, even if you don't see them." I nodded.
   "Unless these stages are giving you some sort of instinct in sensing the presence of others, I don't see how that could be."
"This other person hasn't said anything about it?" I said a little too sharply.
"I am not allowed to tell you anything about the other patient," he said.
I groaned, but then another thought crossed my mind. I got accustomed to Jordan once I hung out with him for a while, so...
"Is there any way I can get comfortable around people? To the point where I can at least make decent eye contact?"
After a moments, Dr.Nelson picked his head up from his clipboard and attempted to answer my question. "With how severe your stage one is, I'd say-," he paused to think. There's no way you can ever act like a normal human being in public. I thought, finishing his sentence in my head. "It would take time. Lots of time, but you might be able to get over your timidness if you were to hang around someone long enough. Of course, this is against my request and is dangerous to whomever you'd..."
I felt a pang in my chest. A danger? Who am I kidding? I've told myself that hundreds of times by now. It's just hard to hear someone else tell me that.
"... so I'd advise against it." Dr. Nelson finished. I didn't hear what he said in the middle of his explanation, but I understood what he was saying.
I sighed. I felt drained. Was it be because I was told I was a danger? Or was it because Dr.Nelson didn't think twice when he said it?
"What if I have to hang out with someone outside of school for a project or something?" He sighed. "In that case, you'd have no choice. We're trying to keep stage three a secret from everyone. We don't want to make it obvious if your condition."
"And I don't want to tell them," I said, assuring him I won't say anything.
"Just try to keep yourself calm. That's all I can say. If you get shy, just... try to push through it." If it's possible, sure...
I started to stand up. I stretched my arms and back before turning to the doctor. "Thanks," I said half-heartedly. I began walking to the door when I heard a massive thud come from the other side of the wall.
I jumped back. "What was that?" I asked in surprise. I heard Nelson mutter something that sounded like, 'Not again,' and he ran out.
What the hell? I felt my heart speed up. To suppress my curiosity, I peeked outside of the room.
There was Dr.Nelson, a man, and a women, all dressed in white lab coats, frantically trying to calm - what seemed to be - a patient down. The patient, according to his attire, was a teenager. The man was crumpled to the ground, holding his chest against the wall. He was slammed into the wall... I thought. Dr.Nelson and the women were able to push the patient into the room at the end of the hallway.
Just before the teen was shoved out of sight, I caught a glimpse of scarred, callused knuckles. How often does this happen? I don't know how long I was standing there, but just as I was backing away from the scene in front of me, Dr.Nelson quietly slipped through the door. I felt my hands slip into my pockets and my gaze drift to the floor.
"Wh-what happened?" I asked, suddenly shy. Not now!
"Your appointment tomorrow has been cancelled. You will not meet with the other patient until further notice."
I pushed stage one down and tried to get more questions out of my mind. "That was the person I'm supposed to meet with? They can't control it?" I asked in disbelief.
"No, they can't..." Dr.Nelson said carefully. "However, they are working on it. He's been doing well. He's getting better."
I shook my head. "I haven't had a full blown freak-out for over six months." I said, sharply. My fingers balled into fists in my pockets. This guy was going to get me attacked! I'm going to walk into that room, and this psycho is going to let loose a maniac that has horrible stage three! My heart rate sped up a tad.
"You expect me to walk into that room and be comfortable knowing that this guy could attack me at any moment? I don't think so." My voice got slightly deeper with the last sentence.
"Tess, you are going to meet with him. It'll just be some time. Once he recovers, everything will be organized." He said, too calmly. I crossed my arms, not convinced.
"If I get pummeled, I'm blaming every scratch on you." I spat every word out at him like a threat while taking a step closer to the doctor.
"There won't be any scratches. I can almost promise that." He looked satisfied with his reply while taking one step backward, near a wall.
I glared at him, a slight smirk on face that I had pushed him back. "Emphasis on 'almost.'" I stomped out of the office.
My mother was waiting in the car when I walked out. She looked slightly terrified at my expression of anger, but she tried to keep a calm voice and start a normal conversation.
   "What happened in there?"
   "Nothing!" I snapped. She looked hurt for a moment, but kept her eyes on the road.
   I sighed. "I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have snapped." My mother looked over at me briefly with a happy glow in her eyes. "You never apologize, you know."
I swallowed. "Yeah. I know. I never get the chance to talk to you in a good mood. It's surprising I can right now."
   "So, do you want to explain what happened?" I immediately jumped I to the story. I told what happened at the appointment. Then, I told her about the doctor that was slammed into the wall. Throughout the drive, my mother was calm. She never interrupted. She reacted at just the right time. She was listening.
   When we got home, I threw my arms around her. She looked appalled at my actions, but quickly returned the hug.
   I forgot how comforting her arms were, how soft her voice was, how flawless her advice was. It was like I was a little kid again. No worries. No stage three. I found myself crying into her shoulder.
   "Thank you." My breathing turned into sobs. My mother lead me into my room where I laid down and hugged a pillow.
   Once she was gone, I pulled out my phone to text Jordan. I was just about to start typing when I questioned myself. Why would I text Jordan? He's just a lab partner. Could I consider him a friend? I'd like to. Wiping my tears away, I set my phone back down. Why does so much shit have to happen in one day? I'm told I'm a danger, I witness an attack, I partially fix my relationship with my mother... I mentally sigh. My tears gone, I fall into a dreamless sleep.