I can't hold it anymore... my tears. I can't hear anything. I just finished rechecking my paper and our Professor was saying something but it was all blurry in my ears. All I know is this heavy pang in my chest. In the deepest depths of... me.
A tear fell. Then another. I looked down and tried my best to stop it but I just cant. No one shall ever see my cry! But I can't stop it.
I was in the middle seat on the classroom. There were people around me. People who pry so much. I don't want that. I don't want too much attention from strangers... even though they know me as their classmate. My closest friend among in the class is seated right next to me. But I can't tell her. Not now... She has her own problems too.
I covered my face using my hands. My shoulders started to shake a bit. Until... somebody called my name.
Ahh. A girl's voice.
I forgot my wet eyes and looked up since she was standing and I was still sitting. I didn't even noticed my (already) leaving classmates. I was too preoccupied with these bad thoughts and fucked up realizations.
"Can I borrow your..." She looked into my eyes and stopped her words upon seeing the tears. I glared. I have to. I dont want her to pry. No. Not now. Or ever.
"Book?" She continued and looked into my desk where the book was. I nodded and tiddied my things. I wiped away the tears. I gave her the book and waited for my close friend to finish talking to my other classmate. "I'll return it immediately. Promise." She said upon receiving the book. I just nodded.
Promise. I hate that word.
"Let's go?" My close friend said. Ahh. They're done.
I nodded staying quiet. Staying hidden beneath these shadows. Staying away from people within these walls I built around me. Hiding these painful emotions in the darkest deepest part of my heart where no one can see them. No one can feel them. I have to be numb. I still need to survive.
Tears... Physical matter to show that someone needs someone.
Tears? No. Not now.
I just swallowed hard, with my painful emotions and continued life.
YOU ARE READING
Prose, Poetry and Me
PoetryMy tears put into letters, My sadness put into words. My sentiments shared only to you, Would you still like to know?
