Scars (Connor franta fanfic)

Chapter 7

I woke up this morning with a huge headache. Walking to the bathroom and grabbing some pills for it. I hope they start working really fast. As they go through my throat I walk back to my room. I crawled back into my bed, I didn't want to do anything at all today. I pulled the cover over my head. Maybe I should stop crying. It's why I get these damn things. I close my eyes then I heard my phone go off. I picked it off of my nightstand and saw that it was 20x messages from Connor. I didn't answer them only because I didn't want to talk to him. He is kind of getting annoying, I hate to say that but he is.

Getting up from my bed and going downstairs, I shouldn't have but I did. I went to the kitchen and started making breakfast. I needed to eat something since I felt dizzy. I started to make some chocolate pancakes and blueberry muffins.

Once I was done I went over to the couch. I grabbed the cover from behind me and put it over me. The television was already on from last night so I just changed the channel. I picked up my fork and started eating. It made me feel a little bit better.

I started to think about last night. How could Connor do this to me. I have been good to him but he treated me like crap. I wonder if he really cares about me. I can't let him do this to me, at least not what happened last time with my ex boyfriend. That relationship was so abusive, both mentally and physically. I lost myself after that.

I got up and put my plate away and walk upstairs. I grabbed clothes out of my closet and went to the bathroom. Standing in the bathtub I decided to turn on the water. I jumped back because it was a little cold. I waited till it got warmer. Started relaxing myself by putting my head under the water. How could everything could be coming down.

A few minutes later I got out and went to my room. I picked up my phone to see if I had any messages. They were all still from Connor. I rolled my eyes and set it back down. I started putting my clothes on. As I pulled up on my skinny jeans, I can feel that I have gain weight. Sliding my shirt on and putting socks on my feet I went downstairs.

The kitchen looked like a mess. Dishes in the sink and the trash piled up way to high. I needed to do some cleaning and that's what I am going to do today. Not worry about anything besides this house. I went to the sink and started sorting them out. From how dirty they were.

I looked down and saw a really big knife. It looked clean and everything but it was just sitting there. Picking it up and seeing it more closely. I don't remember the last time I have ever use a knife, well besides the last time I cut myself. No I am not doing this not now. I am more than this, more than just this knife and the consistency to cut myself.

After the dishes, I picked up the trash and walked outside. It felt good I like the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair. I went back inside and grab the knife again. Every cut felt so right. I slid on the floor letting the blood flow out of my arm.

"Am I good enough now." I scream, letting tears fall out of my eyes. "Who am I to you." Who could ever known you done this to me. You made me feel like this, you put the thoughts in my head. At this point in time I don't want to get up, I don't want to move, and I surly don't want to feel. I started laughing. You could even known me for a second knowing I wanted to do this to myself.

My eyes start to roll back into my head and I couldn't hear anything. Maybe I'm finally getting my wish. I'm so cold on this floor and honestly it's what I want. One thing was stopping me from going into the light. I could feel arms wrap around me, they were warm and just right in this position. I could tell who it was by there body shape.

I could feel my body being like the crap it is. It was being tossed up onto something bed like but being strapped up. It was too tight on my part. It was still so cold to me besides my left hand. It was being hold as if someone actually cares. With everything that has been going on right now this is what I wanted someone to hold my hand through the good times and the bad.