dance with the dead. || phan au

nineteen

{idk what to say without spoiling it but this probably one of the three most important chapters but it's very triggering so idk what to do???}

It'd been two weeks since Phil spoke to me.

He started living in the basement again.

Every time I went down there to check on him, I couldn't find him.

I spent Christmas alone.

I spent New Years alone.

My dad came back right after New Years Eve.

It'd turned out that he was cheating on my mom, and the trip had nothing to do with work.

The house was silent. Too silent.

I could feel the walls closing in on me.

Phil was right.

I was insane.

Going back to school was something that I desperatley needed to avoid.

And that's exactly what I did.

As I heard my mom walk up the stairs, I got back into bed, and pretended to cough.

"Mom, I can't go to school today." I said.

"Dan.. I don't know what to do." She said.

Her and my dad were well aware of my depression, but with the baby, the cheating, the inevitable divorce, everything was very hectic, and my needs were placed below everyone else's.

"Please." I coughed.

"Alright fine.. You can stay home today, but you're going tomorrow." She said. "I'm going to see a couple of doctors today, so I'll be home later. Clean your room please." She said, shutting the door behind her.

I waited until I was home alone to go downstairs.

The eerie quietness of this house was too much for me.

I sat on the wooden floor of the hallway, buried my head into my knees, and began to scream.

This was all too much.

PJ.

The baby.

My dads infidelity.

Phil.

The Depression.

I haven't eaten in weeks.

All that was left was skin and bones.

I can't do this anymore.