seven; the good days "if you weren't here i think they would all be bad days"
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Remus awoke to a distant humming of a familiar tune he couldn't quite place. He left his eyes closed for a while longer just listening to the song. He want sure if it was real or if he was dreaming it, but it was pleasant either way. Eventually, he struggled to lift his heavy eyelids, bringing his hands up to rub his eyes and erase any traces of sleep from them. He almost jolted in surprise when he saw the source of the humming.
Hope was sat at the end of his hospital bed humming softly as she knitted something with navy blue colored yarn. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. She should be in her own bed, resting and eating, not here with him. And yet, he couldn't force himself to tell her to leave.
"Won't Madame Pomfrey yell at you?" He simply questioned. He expected her to be surprised by the fact that he was awake but she looked at him slowly and shook her head, her humming halting. "But - " She cut him off by shushing him, keeping her voice at a whisper.
"If you talk too loudly, you'll wake her and I'll be in trouble." She nodded her head towards Madame Pomfrey's office where he assumed the woman had fallen asleep. "I wanted to sit with you," she answered the question he hadn't even asked yet. "I thought it be nice if you woke up to that song. I remember you saying your mum used to sing it to you. I can never remember the words though, so I just stuck to humming." Her knitting was discarded in her lap as she looked at him with naturally wide eyes. For the first time in a long time, her eyes looked bright again.
"You seem to be feeling better." His voice was hoarse and low, but she didn't seem to notice or care. Then she did something that surprised him much more than he realized it should've. She smiled. A real, genuine, ear-to-ear smile.
"I honestly think that Madam Pomfrey slipped some drugs in that medicine of hers, because I feel high as a kite." She spread her arms out as if she was an airplane and closed her eyes, smiling as she tilted her head back. He agreed that there must've been something in the mix that was making her act like this, but she looked so happy that he couldn't bring himself to stop it.
"Have you eaten anything?" He asked, watching as she picked up her knitting needles once more and began again.
"Yeah, I've had a few bites here and there. I'm sort of full from the potion she gave me, though. I'm sure when it wears off I'll be starved." They fell silent once more before he realized something. He coughed awkwardly before speaking up.
"I guess you're, um, you're probably wondering why I'm here..."
"Not really, just assumed you got sick or something." She didn't even look up, just spoke matter of factly. "Why? You're not hurt, are you?" She looked up now, her eyes betraying her careless facade, showcasing her concern. He pondered the variety of possible ways he could answer that. No, I'm not hurt, I just spent the night as a raging beast is all. No, of course I'm not hurt! It's not like the girl I'm infatuated with passed out while I laid around doing nothing.
"No, I'm not hurt." She gave a sigh of relief and once again a beautiful smile graced her features.
"Good," she stated. It was a simple, one-word response, but he could feel the weight of that one word. Good. When was the last time she had ever said that word? She hadn't said good morning or good night in so long, each day she skipped over the good and left it at that.
"Hope, are you -"
"I'm fine," she answered abruptly, cutting him off before he could finish. She didn't need to hear it to know what he was asking. "I wish people would stop asking that."
"Then maybe you should stop lying when they do." The words were out of his mouth before he could register them, but when he did he felt the terror rise in him. He hadn't been planning on calling her out on her behavior, he was going to wait until she came to him, ready to open up about it. Every movement of hers halted. He swore that for a second she stopped breathing completely. And then her face went blank and she stared at him, expressionless. If he looked hard enough, he could see the cold undertones in her expression. He waited for her to get angry with him, to yell or to walk away. But, truthfully, he couldn't remember a time when Hope had ever raised her voice in anger - or really when she'd ever been angry with him at all.
"There are good days sometimes." Her words surprised him as he watched her carefully. "Sometimes, it even lasts for a few days. Once, it lasted a whole month." A smile was growing as she spoke, but it fell suddenly as she looked down at her hands and her hair fell over her face. "But the good days always pass. I don't like them: they bring a false sense of security. They make me feel like I'm getting better and then I get worse all over again." It occurred to him very suddenly that she could very well be on medication that was playing with her brain a bit, and therefore she wouldn't be able to realize she wouldn't normally talk about this kind of thing. If that was true, he was certainly taking advantage of her vulnerable state by encouraging her to keep going.
"You should get some sleep." She nodded at him in what seemed like subdued agreement. She set aside her knitting and crawled towards him. His breathing unconsciously sped up at her close proximity as she leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek. She pulled away and he let himself get his breathing under control again, only to have his breath hitch in his throat when she climbed under the blanket and laid down next to him. She was on her side so she was facing him, so he turned to face her. They stared at each other in the dark without saying a word. He didn't dare speak up and tell her she should get back to her own bed. He was afraid that if he did she might actually listen and leave him all alone. Instead, he let his eyelids droop as drowsiness overcame him. And, when Hope moved herself closer to him and lazily rested her head on his chest, he wrapped an arm securely around her and timed their breathing so that their chests rose and fell together.
When Madame Pomfrey came to check on them in the morning they looked so at peace that she didn't have the heart to make Hope move back to her original bed. She let them stay there with there limbs and fingers intertwined. When James, Sirius, and Peter came to see their friends, they didn't bother waking them either. And when Lily and Alice arrived to check on Hope and see how Remus was doing, they shared knowing smiles before leaving flowers next to the shared bed with a small note signed by the both of them. Not a single soul in the whole of Hogwarts castle would ever dream of separating Remus Lupin and Hope Artin from each other as they both slept without any nightmares for the first time in months.
__________ a/n if anyone ever needs to talk about anything, even if we barely know each other or don't know each other at all, you can always come to me to talk. i'm always ready to listen. it was brought to my attention recently that if at least one person had listened a little closer and read between the lines, a girl might still be alive. please, if you ever need to talk to someone, do it. you can talk to me or you can talk to a friend, or a parent, or anybody else - but find someone to talk to. it might seem stupid or trivial, but it's so important to get things out and the open. and i think you'll find that it's easier to deal with and find a solution if you say it out loud and have someone helping you through.
