So I've been off Wattpad for a while... because my depression started again. As soon as I finally felt comfortable with myself, some jerk came up to me and said, quote on quote "No offense but there's absolutely NO way you could ever be considered attractive to someone."
It was that ONE sentence that shot my depression and anxiety levels through the roof. I've lost contact with a lot of people even though I don't mean to. I snap a lot and let my emotions take over without realizing it.
Its not like a lot of people actually go on my account or read my story but it's my place to rant. I hate it. More than once I've had to stop myself and walk away from the bottle of pills oh so close to me. I just feel worthless. Not only that but the person who started this, is in my daily life. At school. In my friend group. In my neighborhood. On my bus. At my lunch table. Everywhere. And its one thing to do it once to a single person, but this guy is CONSTANTLY making fun of 'unappealing' girls or girls with small breasts. He acts like its OUR fault. AND he acts like he's this guy who gets all the girls. After he repeatedly talks about women like objects, he then slut shames us. So basically he asks us to be super attractive girls that have sex with him, yet we can't have sex because we're sluts. I'm pissed already and I'm going through two forms of depression that effect me in contributing ways. One is kind of like bipolar disorder, except not as extreme and more so directed towards depression or happy/ sad feelings. Its called cyclothymia. The other is a form of long term depression, called dysthymia, meaning that if the sad feelings start, they'll stay for a while and then go away suddenly. I'll get really random outbursts in the day because of the cyclothymia. It sounds like I'm being an over dramatic bitch or something, but it actually can absorb my entire day, causing me to forget to eat. (Which if you know me you understand is very unusual) I eat a fuck ton since I'm so skinny, so for me to stop eating means I'm spaced out as fuck. Please force me to eat something because I once went 2 1/2 days without eating and that's unnatural as hell for me. For the 2 actual people who read this, thank you.
Hope you're doing better than I am.
~Chiana
