Voices of Addiction

Restless

Every single day is predictably the same  
It's exactly like the day before, and  
Just as those that follow after
And I've found myself in in a neverending cycle
 
I'm surrounded by all of the same helpless,
And seemingly hopeless DREAMS

My body feels uneasy -- RESTLESS  
Not my legs, or the knee I'm quickly bouncing
I'm starting to think that maybe,
Maybe this time I really do what a change,
In my life,  my habits and the
Way that I think.
I think it's time to leave this place,
I want to run away to  the person i used to be
Where everyone can see happieness on my face
And I want to never even look back here again.
I want to start over and find the girl everyone once knew,
  
I want to figure out who I am,
I want to know what kind of things I like, don't like
And learn who I am again, because,
It's been a life time since I was able to
See that person in the mirror, not to mention
Actually like the refection and what I see,
I want to like who I am, and right now
I fucking hate myself, I hate   eveything.
 
Is it too much to ask just to care about me?

 
Not to mention,
I'm sick of worrying about how money i have spent
I'm tired of worrying about stupid things like drugs,
Especially when it all gets wasted and dispears in a cloud of smoke
I’m sick of panicking  over stupid nothings
 
Because I chose to get high 
 
I'm done crawling into these little plastic bags
Searching for crumbs, and a reason to live
I'll let you know if I find out, I have not yet.
I'm scared there will come a day when I'm not able
To find my way back out of them,
I'm scared I'm losing myself more and more
The longer I live this life that I live.
 
I want to leave, and most off.. I want clean veins.
 
But well.. pipe dreams, because just like every morning 
as i pulls out my sugar bowl, thhen 
Without any protest, or even thinking about it,
I simply   responded, like im on autopiolit
“  
It causes me to spend too much time alone and 
In my head, I can't think straight
Where are you?
You used to make this better, you used to be the
Medicine that got me well.
Where are you? Be here.
I have too much time on my hands,
To fucking hate myself and to be sad. 
I don't have much time left,
This place is going to consume me,
There won't be anything left,
Please rescue me from all of this,
Keep this life from stealing
The last of the sanity I have lft
Help me
Help me before it's too late,
And I'm lost, gone for good.
Help me, help me get out of this state.
 
Please, soon.