Yesterday's Girl

Chapter Eight - The diary

''Dear Diary,

I'm so happy to be in England. It's weird, though. Everything is different now. The house is amazing, I can see why mom fell in love with at first sight. I like the people here. The different accents, the ''bloody hells'' and ''oh, sod of''. It's like I'm in playing in the movie ''Bridget Jones Diary''. Perhaps that's why I've bought this diary yesterday. It's also because I want to keep track of everything I discover here. The second reason is because I've never had a diary before. I've seen it in movies, read books in a diary form or with pieces of a diary excerpt. I really liked it and I wanted to try it before. It's just that I didn't see my life as a very interesting thing that should be kept track of by writing everything down. But I do have a good reason to write in a diary now: England!

It's been a month since I've left. I haven't heard from Emily until 10 days ago, she texted me, all of a sudden. How I was doing. I didn't reply. I'd rather hear something from Myles... I'm not someone who will take the first step, so I haven't reached out to him either.

It somehow struck me that nothing out of Leschi has returned to me. No contact, no flashbacks, nothing. It's a whole new start. I'm happy that I can say that I'm able to adjust so quickly, but on the other hand it does feel weird to know that the ones I've been with, don't really care about me. Although it's not sure if that last thing is true, is still feels like that to me.

I've been to college, which is a completely different situation as well. Not the teaching itself, but I'm talking about the students. They are somehow much more interested and more eager to learn. In America, most students are not quite serious, they're much more like party people. If it's proven? I don't know. I must say I haven't spent time observing other students and younger pupils and how serious they are. I think it's the real deal now. I really want to spend more time at school, being surrounded by other students, working in the school's library, in its motivating atmosphere. Not that I have wasted my time at school in America. I tried to do my best. Just to show them all. Not that I have had many to show my results to. I'm doing it for my own good, that's it.

To be honest, I don't think I need anyone or anything to remind me of America. Well, my parents are still here, of course. I overheard them one time when they were using Skype to call with colleagues in America.

Mom and dad are still working most of the time. I still don't like it, but I know it's their job and income. It's also their passion, because they've met in biology class and now it's their profession. I wondered if I would ever met someone during my course, just like my parents met at school and got married afterwards. I miss Myles sometimes, which I think is weird, because I've only seen him a few times. I can't stop thinking about him either, even though I don't think about the other things I've left in America. Perhaps we'll meet again someday and is that the reason why I somehow still feel connected to him. As if the ''goodbye'' after the dinner wasn't meant for us.

Dad wants me to be happy here, I can see it when he looks at me. I assured him that I am happy out here, in this whole new situation. I think he doubts it because my mom takes more time to ask me questions. She asks me daily (when she's at home and when she has time to actually talk to me) how school is and if I'm not alone there. I wouldn't call it ''alone''. Yes, there have been several girls in my classes who seem nice and I've talked to them a few times. I just don't see them as my new friends.

I've been wandering around the city, lately. Most of the time on my own. Headphones plugged in, music with a good tempo playing, and I'm ready to go for a walk.

Reading is an interesting place. The University of Reading has many courses. I'm following the BA English Literature and Film and Theatre course. There is the Reading Festival and there have been many famous artists and bands performing there, also a few favourites of mine. Older ones, like the Rolling Stones and Fleetwood Mac, but also Eminem and the Foo Fighters. God, if I've only had been here earlier... Well, I know there are many festivals in America, but I never attempted to go. I can't wait to visit this festival in August. It seems like a lot of fun. Perhaps I've met some people by then who seem nice enough to me. I don't want to make the same mistake as I did with Emily.

The message that she sent me is still there, unopened, in other ways: ignored. I hope she'll feel that way, but that sounds awful of me to say. I don't know what is going on there, in Leschi. Perhaps she is finally dating Gavin, just like she has always wanted. Maybe she's dating someone else. Or she isn't dating at all and met other girls to hang out with. It could all be possible. Perhaps she messaged me to apologise, to say that she has thought about the situation and understands my opinion on not saying anything about that night with Myles because I thought it wouldn't matter anyway. Do I even understand myself? Well, actually, that's not the matter because I think about that quite a lot.

I still have to read a few books for school and make some essays about them. The teachers said: ''Starting easy. I bet you've made many essays along the way.'' Students grumbled, but I like to read books and repeat them in my head by making essays. So... I'll do that first before I have to make dinner for myself; mom and dad will be at work until... I don't know.''