That night I played the perfect Mom role. I was so happy to be back with my beautiful kids and hold them in my arms again. I loved the both of them more than anything, and it felt so good to be home. I didn't want them to question if Mommy and Daddy were fighting, so I stifled my feelings and tucked them away, if only for a little while.
"I missed you two so much!" I told them while we watched Jessica's favorite cartoon. They were sitting on either side of me on the couch, both of them cracking up at the show.
"I missed you too mom," my sweet son said. He grinned up at me looking like a spitting image of his father. It was all I could do to keep from crying. I just held him tighter to me, kissing the top of his head and trying to distract myself with the children's show on TV.
"I missed you more, Mommy," Jessica chimed in. She hated being excluded in any form, and was so sassy! She was really a mini-me, and I absolutely loved it.
"I don't think so, Princess," I told her, caressing her long ponytails.
After one more episode, I made sure the kids had their baths and tucked them both in as tenderly as I could. I missed being able to do this when I was in Paris, and I cherished every moment I had to do it now.
Once the kids were asleep, I went into my and Taylor's bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. He emerged from the restroom having just showered and brushed his teeth. He sat next to me immediately and hugged me. It as all I could do not to fall apart.
I looked into his eyes and I saw all the hurt and emotion that was so clear. The fact that he loved me unconditionally was there, and I would be ridiculous to say I didn't see it. I was going to let him start off the talk, but I decided to break the silence instead.
"Taylor, do you remember almost ten years ago when we made a promise to always be 100% honest with each other?" I said shakily. I took a deep breath because if I didn't say it now, I never would. "I think you have been lying to me."
He looked at me for a long while, his face expressionless. I just put my head in my hands and cried. I hated how weak I was because I loved him so much. I stood up from the bed and walked over to the other end of the room because I couldn't be next to him right now. I loved him so much that the thought of him hurting me this way was unbearable.
"Rachel!" he exclaimed almost immediately, jumping up to follow me and turn me around, forcing me to look at him. I noticed he had tears in his eyes, too. This was tearing him up as much as I was. "Baby, look at me," he said. It took me a moment but I finally met his gaze, reluctantly. It just scared me, the thought of something like this hurting so much because of how much I loved him.
"What could you possibly have to explain?" I said, getting angry. "You took a vow to love me and respect me until death do us part. We have two children together!" I nearly screamed.
"Baby, listen to me! I have never laid my hands on another woman. I have never ever wanted anybody else as much as I want you, and I could never hurt you that way or disrespect you that way. You are my wife, you are the mother of my children, and you are the love of my life. Don't you know how much I love you?" he said.
