A Long Way To Go

Chapter 3

"You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past."

Julie

With all the excitement in the woods, my fight with Marie was somewhat forgotten. But Jeff was chipper and excited to remind me Tuesday morning during breakfast.

I wasn't particularly stoked for solo dish duty, so I procrastinated. I wanted to get to the bottom of the disconnected number.

I walked up to the loft and tried the number again only to get the same recording.

I hung up slowly and sat back in my chair.

"No one picking up?" Mindy asked. I jumped, startled. I hadn't seen her sitting up there, reading in an armchair.

"Jesus, I didn't see you," I said, holding my chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. So who you trying to call?" Mindy asked.

"How is that any of your business?" I asked her defensively.

"It's not, I was just making conversation. You look worried is all," Mindy responded calmly. She looked back at her book. She obviously was fine either way—being my friend or not didn't affect her.

I ignored her and picked up the phone again. I tried a different number, this time someone answered.

Mindy could only hear my side of the conversation.

What do you mean? How? When did it happen? Who found her?

At the last question, I saw Mindy lift her head again to look at me. I turned my back to her as much as possible considering the phone cord. I could feel the tenseness in my shoulders and I knew my knuckles were turning white from gripping the phone so hard.

"Okay, thanks," my voice trailed off and I slowly hung the phone up.

"How old was she?" Mindy asked, startling me again. I had momentarily forgotten she was there although I felt her presence.

"Jesus!" I exclaimed again as I turned around, hand once again on my chest. The episode in the woods definitely cranked up my nerves.

I looked at Mindy and she just looked back, searching my eyes as I searched hers. I let my wall slip a fraction, I wasn't sure what she was looking for, but I was willing to let her try.

Mindy

I could see anger and irritation masking the sadness in her eyes. Julie looked at me intently, searching for something. I stared blankly back at her. I had nothing to hide.

She didn't intimidate me, although I think that's what she wanted. "How old?" I asked again, although I already knew the answer. This poor girl had died young.

"Our age," Julie caved, falling back into her chair, "it was her birthday. I just wanted to say...." Julie trailed off again, lost in thought.

"Are you okay?" I asked stupidly, not knowing what else to say. 'I'm sorry' seemed pointless and I wasn't great at comforting others. I was too awkward for emotional connections.

"Why do you care?" Julie demanded, leaning forward in her chair again, resting her hands on her knees.

"I don't know," I said offhandedly. It was the truth. "I'm sure you're supposed to intimidate me. I'm sure that's what you want. You want to push everyone as far away from you as possible. Trust me, I get it. I'm in the same boat. People suck.

"But you don't intimidate me. Sorry. I'm not Marie," I laughed, "although that girl definitely scares easy. When you started for her I thought she was gonna piss herself."