The last time I saw her was May 2, 2009.....
It has been eight years.....I was seven then.
All hope that she is fighting to get better is lost.
I miss her, even though she is the reason I can't take someone leaving. If someone gets a new best friend that replaces me I get sent into inner turmoil. It is like I am going through it all again. If a guy or girl breaks up with me for someone else, or just leaves, it happens. I have abandonment issues but, for some reason.........I am always pushed away....always replaced....always left behind.... always alone in my room doing work. I'm alone all the time, trapped in these four walls. Typing,reading,working,cleaning, doing anything, anything to keep my mind off the fact that I am....not wanted....
I get called nasty,ugly,fat,stupid, a bitch, a whore, a cunt, emo, and annoying. I get told to kill myself, that I'm worthless, that no one cares about me, to just end others suffering and die, that I'm a nasty carpet muncher, that my boyfriend is a girl, that I like to fuck animals, that my mother left because she knew I was just a waste of space...., and to be honest all of these things get to me. My friends "joke around" with me by saying offensive shit, but to be honest it hurts. It's not okay to be that cruel to someone who is supposed to be someone you care about. I do it back I will admit it, but I don't enjoy it. When they say crap that is rude to me it changes the way I see myself. If you have friends like that, like mine comment and let me know. I know how it feels.....just let me know, that I am not the only one.
