The Story of Her

Prologue: Anna

Was it possible for someone to be both a hero and a jackass to someone at the same time? He stood in the doorway like a masked young boy pushed into a corner at a masquerade party. He did a heroic thing for me once. The mask of deep pleasant thought covered the true agony we both bore. For him it was different. He had nothing to do with it. It was all my fault that he shared this with me. It's strange how a small decision you make for yourself can change someone else's life and determine another's. All he wanted was a normal family. One person to grow old with, one child to raise, one daughter named after someone of history and elegance and tradition.

One shot down, he is the love of my life, the next he isn't. It was a weird feeling to not know something you have known since childhood. Where would we go from here? Why was it like this? We were meant for each other, weren't we? There was a question in my mind that my heart knew the answer to, but my head did not.

"What is it? What is wrong?" I asked, dreading the response that I was pretty sure I already knew.

"A decision that is nothing to you," he replied. Another needle stepped on by the klutz. That was the fourth one this week. With each one, there is another performance by the Anna Water Works Production. With each one of those, another shot was downed and he was the love of my life that no one could take away from me.

"You went to go see her again today, didn't you?" I knew Tolya did. It wasn't something I needed to ask.

"She asked for you, Anna. She just wants you, something she doesn't understand she can't have."

"That isn't what's bothering you, though. What is on your mind?"

"It doesn't matter. Anna, I don't know if I can do this without her. She was what made us complete. You know, the funny thing is, I didn't want kids until I knew she was mine. From that very moment, I did not think I could love anyone more than I loved you. But then when she was born, I surprised myself."

"Tolenka, you are her father, and you don't currently have the rights to parent her. You are safe from having your rights taken away. Please, from the moment it is enforced, go and start the adoption process. I know how hard we both struggled to be with each other, and all that pain and work would have been thrown away like your last marriage was, but I know how much she means to you. Please, if you won't do it for me, do it for her. It is better if our Varya is raised by you than without any parents in the children's home. This is my last request of you. Raise her, because you can and I cannot. Please Tolya," I pleaded emptily to him, even though I know it has already been enforced and the only person eligible to adopt her is a family member until her third birthday.

There was a needle stabbing me right in the gut. There was a rock trying to get down my throat as I tried to keep it from coming out. My heart, forcing me to tell him the things it knew was the right thing to do hurt as it wasn't the same as it wanted. The thing it wanted was not the same realistic picture that would be painted. Of the picture, it had to a piece of the picture or to not have it at all. Telling him my side of it was what was best for me.

"Anna, you don't understand the war I am at with myself. I want nothing more than to be able to have my daughter, but it wouldn't be traditional. It wouldn't be what I wanted, to raise her without a mother," he replies.

"But, I know you, you will remarry. You will move on from me. As much as it pains me to say it, I know the truth is that it is good for you."

"No, Anna. If I have to raise her, she will be raised by me and the help of my sisters. Anna, do you get what I'm saying? If not with you as her mother, than with no one as her mother. Anna, please try to understand, this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make, and I'm finally ready to accept the decision I have made. My only hope is that you understand this is what is best for her. I love you, Anna," he says.

He takes the vodka after kissing the top of my head and hides it in the cabinet as I watch him. He carries me to my room and puts me to bed. Each foot step away from me is like the sound of the reflection of roses in mirrors shattering. The glass door may as well have shattered behind him along with the mirrors with the roses. The rose had it's beauty last for a two and a half years. It will always last for as long as she's with him.

It's like he took all of the broken beauty and left the thorns all intact just for me. I couldn't even describe the feeling of all my drunken emotions picking them up and stabbing me with them. Needless to say, I had it my way for years to come for leaving me like that. I hated him for leaving me like that with no help. I hated him for leaving me to drink all my distaste for him away. It displeased me that he chose her over me. What a pervert. But in the years to come, I would realize that the jackass would actually be my hero.