Phan One Shots

Insecure

Warning: unnecessarily lengthy fluff because I am sick of things happening too fast in fanfics.
Not a warning: safe af

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"Still writing?" Phil asked, walking cautiously into his boyfriend's room.
"Yeah," Dan replied, absentmindedly scribbling in his black leather bound journal.

Phil wondered why Dan still wrote. He knew it started around the time Dan entered middle school, to deal with all the bullying. He needed it to keep him grounded when he started partying in high school. Phil smiled as he remembered the pictures Dan had sent of of his attempts at writing while drunk. But Dan has a good life now, didn't he? He had a job he liked, he was more confident and outspoken, and he had Phil. Couldn't he just talk to Phil about whatever bothered him?

"Dan?" Phil regretted the word as soon as it left his lips. This was so stupid.
"Yeah babe?" Dan asked, putting away his diary.
Phil seemed to hesitate, "Do you trust me?"
"Obviously," Dan responded, laughing. "What kind of a dumb question is that?"
"Right.." Phil trailed off, unsure where to go from here. He really should've thought this through.
"Where are you going with this Phil? Am I supposed to ask you the same? I'm pretty sure you trust me," Dan's smile was struggling not to falter.
"Well, mostly I do."
"Excuse me? What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Dan was scowling now, obviously offended.
"I don't trust you to tell me if there was something wring with you.." Phil still wasn't sure he should've brought this up. They both had their fair share of insecurities but being jealous of a notebook was pretty darn low.

Dan wasn't sure how to respond. He wasn't pissed, he knew where this was coming from. He preferred dark humour to admitting his problems and writing over vocally whining. It wasn't Phil's fault.

"It's not your fault, you know," Dan started, voice low. "I've always been like this. I don;t know how to not be me"
Phil's eyes darted up to meet Dan's. He regretted bringing it up.
"I don't want you to not be you. As you may have noticed, I quite like you," Phil raised a hand to stroke Dan's cheek as he smiled, showing off his perfect dimple. "I just wish I had better idea of what was going on inside that pretty little head of yours."

Dan moved closer to Phil, snuggling into his arms.
"I'm sorry.." He had a habit of apologising more often than needed. He had heard somewhere it was a symptom of abuse, and was unsure of whether that logic applied to him.
"No," Phil interrupted him before he could continue. "Don't apologise for this. It's my fault really, being jealous of a stupid diary"

Dan instantly moved away from Phil's arms.
"You're what?" Dan started laughing, covering his mouth with his sleeve covered hands.
"Danny, sto-op," Phil whined, embarrassed.

Dan leaned in to kiss the beautiful blue hair boy he was somehow even more in love with now. Then he moved away again, looking thoughtful.
"What?"
"You can read it you know? I mean, if you want." Dan handed him the diary. "I mean, it's not like I intentionally hide things for you, I am just much more comfortable this way. I wouldn't mind you knowing what;s in here. As long as you don't start asking me what specific lines mean, because the answer to that will be I don't know. I write i lot of things and it is fair to assume if you don't get it, I don't either."

Phil took the notebook. He felt worse than ever now for doubting Dan. He kept it at the bedside table, blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall.
"I love you so freaking much" Phil kissed Dan, pushing him over till they were both lying on the black and white bedding.
"I love you too, you dingus" Dan laughed, confused yet happy at his boyfriend's reaction.

Phil's lips trailed to Dan's neck. kissing and biting till he reached his ear.
"Marry me, Daniel" he whispered.
Dan's body froze.
As soon as he noticed, Phil's did too. Waves of panic crashed around him.
"Dan? Did I say something wrong.. I mean-"
"Do you really want to?" Dan interrupted him. His brown eyes looked up at Phil, unsure and scared. "Do you actually want to or was it a heat-of-the-moment thing?"
Fucking insecurities.
"Of course I mean it. I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you." The Haru pillow suddenly caught his eye. "You and your demented choice of pillows is the life for me"
Dan's face lit up. His smiling lips crashed into Phil's, fingers grabbing to his silky black hair.
"Fuck yes," Dan breathed, before sticking his tongue back to into Phil's mouth.