Once Upon a Time

Chapter Seven: People Leave

Chapter Seven: People Leave

 

Well, what did I think of that? What did I think, huh? I didn't know what to think. I literally just stared at Carson for a good thirty seconds after he said that. This was big. And not just big for him, but for me as well.

Man, I didn't know how to feel. I was happy for him, yeah. But at the same time, I wasn't stupid. I knew that if he asked Samantha out, things were going to change big time. For me, for him, for Samantha. For a lot of people, basically. Okay, maybe not exactly 'a lot', but things would definitely change for me. And for me, that was already more than enough. I didn't know if I'd be able to deal with the change.

"Alana?" Carson asked, furrowing his brows when he realized that I was deep in thought. His voice shook me out of my reverie.

I licked my lips. I wasn't sure on how to respond. I knew that he knew how I felt. I had made it clear since the beginning that I was scared of losing him to Samantha—especially because Samantha was also a close friend of mine and I didn't want to lose her too. But I didn't think that something along the lines of 'this won't make me very happy' was the answer that he wanted to hear from me. He wanted me to be happy for him. And I was. But it was just hard to not worry about things.

"You know about what I think, don't you?" I asked him. My voice was a little strained. I didn't mean to be bitter—I really didn't. I truly was happy for him. But he knew that I wasn't going to be all smiley. I thought he saw that coming already.

Carson heaved a sigh, "That's what I was worried about. I mean, I know that this is big news for you. I didn't know how to break it. I thought the best way was to just go ahead and tell you."

"It is the best way—to just go ahead and tell me," I said. I didn't want him to feel bad. He deserved his happy ending. If Samantha liked him in that way too, then I had no right to stop him from asking her out. Besides, I knew that I'd eventually be squealing over their relationship someday. But now? The information was just a little overwhelming. It wasn't Carson's fault. I mean, it wasn't mine either, but that was just how I felt. I had no control over it. "Look, Car, I'm happy for you. I really am. Don't you dare think otherwise. But you know that I can't be all smiley right now. You know that." 

I didn't know what else to say. There was nothing left to say. He knew how I felt. I did, too. There was nothing much that could be done about it. I just needed time, and he needed me to be happy about it. I watched Carson through the video. He seemed hesitant to say anything else. I figured that he didn't know what to say. And for now, that was okay. I didn't really need him to say anything else just yet.

I took a deep breath, "I need time to like...get my head around it. I'd probably be congratulating you all over the place tomorrow and telling you to go for it, but now? I'm just trying to make sense of things. And it's not like I'm mad at you or anything, but really, there's nothing more for us to talk about now, is there? Unless there's anything else that you'd like to say, I think we should just hang up." I didn't want him to think that I was mad. Because honestly, I wasn't. Not at all. But I needed time to think about this before school tomorrow. And talking to him wasn't helping. 

"No, there's nothing more that I'd like to say." The expression on Carson's face seemed a little pained—like he was trying to think of a way to console me but didn't know how. It's okay, I almost told him. I didn't want him to console me. I wanted him to be happy, not sad. 

"Well then... Talk to you again tomorrow?" I asked tentatively. This felt so awkward. I wasn't used to not knowing what to say. When it came to Carson, I'd usually just say whatever it was that was on my mind. But not this time.