-rainbow cookie, tracob

17,

-

You didn't have to be a nurse like Jacob's mom to be able to see that something was very off inside of Jacob's head for the next few days. He got maybe a total of 5 hours of sleep, ate only what was practically shoved down his throat, and even when he smiled it didn't reach his eyes. Which was not to say that he was unhappy, exactly, just... distracted.

He wouldn't fess up, no matter how much his mother fretted or his nosey sister Annie pestered. All they knew was that Jacob was off and that he was pretending not to be and that someone was doing an incredible job of blowing up his phone.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Annie huffed after yet another text buzzed on its way to Jacob's inbox. "That's like the fifteenth time this morning."

Jacob knew that, of course. Just like he knew that there were exactly 63 texts from Troye in a row, without a single response back. And he knew that, therapeutically speaking, icing Troye out wasn't a fair method. But it was just so hard to think when there were a million variations on-

-Jay, are you okay?

-I'm so, so sorry.

-Hope your train got there okay :)

-Can I just get one text?

-I know you probably don't want to talk to me. But. Please?

-I'm really really sorry. I didn't mean to- I didn't mean for any of that to happen.

-Jacob?

-Are we okay?

-Please talk to me.

Annie was watching his face as he checked the latest message, clicked it shut, and put his phone back on the table without replying. "If you don't want to talk to the guy, could you at least tell him that? If I have to hear your ringtone one more time I'm going to lose it."

"Who says it's a boy?" Jacob returned defensively.

"You look like you're in pain every time your phone goes off, I've certainly never seen you act that way over a girl."

That jab wasn't graced with a reply, but Jacob did take his phone back out to type up a quick, Need to think, I'll text/call you when I'm ready in response to the assault on his inbox. Vague enough that Troye wouldn't quite be satisfied, but at least he'd be reassured enough to let Jacob have his space.

And truth be told, Annie was right- Jacob was in pain. Not answering his phone wasn't a punishment for Troye, it was a last-ditch attempt to block out distraction long enough to let Jacob calm the spinning of his mind.

Everything was even more complicated now than it was before. They had kissed- they had properly snogged- and both been ridiculously into it. As soon as Jacob had Troye beneath him, all logic had flown out the window and he was just focused on making the boy come undone. In the stark light of day he could see a list of reasons why that was a bad idea unfolding before him.

Maybe it wouldn't be quite so horrible if Troye wasn't... Troye. Jacob had made Troye fall apart without even touching him, and it could have just been that, if he were another person. But the problem was that no matter what Troye said, this wasn't something he was just going to let go. This was going to mean something, and that put Jacob on the hook, and that guaranteed that he was going to let Troye down.

Because Jacob had never been good at living up to expectations, whether they were lofty or not, and even if Troye could forgive that, Jacob couldn't. He had enough hopes and dreams for Troye to fill up every house in London, and not one of them included getting into a hasty relationship with a guy who he was only infatuated with because he'd been there in his hour of need.