-rainbow cookie, tracob

22,

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Spring is just starting to breathe life into the city when everything starts to go wrong.

Jacob keeps making it a point to pick Troye up after the class he shares with Thomas, but no matter how often he sweeps the boy off his feet, it seems to help less and less. Thomas still trails along too close to him, Troye still feels tense beneath Jacob's fingertips for hours after. Jacob asks -he can't stop himself from asking- but he never pushes. Troye would come to him if things were too bad.

Right?

It doesn't take long for Troye to spill. He isn't made for keeping secrets, after all. "Thomas is starting to... he's getting really creepy," he mumbled to Jacob one night. Their tea mugs are empty and he's curled his gangly limbs into a ball pressed to Jacob's side.

"Creepy how?" Jacob asked, ever gentle.

"He keeps saying things. That aren't... erm, appropriate. And I keep telling him not to, I swear, but he just..."

Jacob's stomach is starting to give its trademark Thomas Reaction, a mix of nausea and fire and sinking and turning that is all too familiar. "What kinds of things? It's okay, you can tell me. I want to know so I can help you, if I can."

Troye doesn't want to. It's written all over his face. He does, though, because this is his Jacob and there's probably nothing that he could ever say that Jacob would use to hurt him. That much he knows. "He wants me to come back to him," Troye confesses shakily. "He says he can be better than you. And he says I want to, which I don't, I swear-"

"I know, baby, I know." It isn't anything that Jacob wasn't expecting. He still feels sick hearing it. "What... what exactly has he said?"

The thin line of Troye's lips pressed together remains sealed for a long minute. "It feels sick to repeat it."

"You don't have to. Of course you don't," Jacob assures him, rubbing big, soothing circles into Troye's back. "It's okay. You're alright."

"He wants me to suck his cock," Troye continues quietly, more bravely than he feels. "He keeps asking if his is bigger than yours, if I like his better. And he says he could suck me off, too, cause he knows I always wanted that."

"It's okay," Jacob whispers. He's talking to Troye, too.

There are a few quiet minutes. "I would never cheat on you," Troye says, even though he doesn't have to. "I would never go back to him. I would never even think about it."

"It's alright if you do think about it, though," Jacob has to force himself to say. It's the right thing to say. He doesn't want to say it.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"He was your first love, it's... it would be normal, if you were tempted. To go back. I would understand if you thought about it."

Troye sits straight up like he's been struck. "Jacob- I would never-"

"Well it's not like I want you to go back to him or anything, I just don't want you to feel bad if you're like, conflicted or whatever." The shock doesn't leave Troye's wide eyes, and Jacob feels his heart tugging at him to relent. "Nevermind, baby," he sighs at last. "Forget I said anything, okay? You're alright. We'll be alright."

It's sort of his mantra from then on out, whenever Troye's face gets pinched and sad, or when Jacob's mind starts racing with a list of all the reasons why maybe Thomas might seem better than him. More money. Handsome. Athletic. Popular. First love. Has his own place. First love. Strong. First love. First love. First love.

Sometimes the list is hard to drown out. Troye's heartbeat is always louder.

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