A Nice Fling is Hard to Find

1:10 A.M.

I’m sitting in the hotel lobby, on the ratty purple couch.

Why?

Becca and Harold caught me crying my eyes out. “What’s wrong?” Becca asked, running over to me.

“E-e-everything,” I blubbered.

“Harold, I’m sorry, I have to talk to Lindsay,” she said to him. “We’ll hang out tomorrow.”

“But we only have two more nights together!” he cried.

“But she’s my best friend,” she said, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. “Tomorrow.” Then she climbed up to my bunk bed. “What happened?”

By this time I was practically hyperventilating. How could I tell her?

“You have to tell me,” she said.

“I can’t!” I wailed. What was I supposed to say? I think I have the hots for your brother? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

She placed both her hands on my shoulders. “Is it about Tommy?”

KABAM! “How did you know?” I gasped, eyeing her warily.

“How did I know that Tommy was in love with you? Are you kidding me? I’ve known since third grade.”

DOUBLE KABAM! “What?”

Then she laughed. “He’s always had a thing for you. Why did you think he insisted on coming on this trip?”

Whaaaaaaaat? “Why did you never tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to weird you out,” she said, matter-of-factly. “I knew you didn’t like him that way and I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” Becca rolled her eyes. “But then he had to try and kiss you on Bastille Day—”

At this point I nearly fell off the bed. “You knew about that?”

She nodded. “Never mind knew—I saw. I would have beaten him up, but he did a solid job of beating himself up. He felt awful. He hadn’t been planning it or anything, but then he thought that maybe you felt the same way…”

“But I—”

“I know you didn’t. He’s my brother and I love him to death, but you’re my best friend and I love you too. I want both of you to be happy. I hated that you two were suddenly all awkward around each other. That’s why I lied and told you he was hooking up with Penny with a Y. So you wouldn’t feel weird. I know how you get about these things. ”

I did a double take. “Wait a sec. Are you telling me that he isn’t hooking up with her?”

“No. Never. For some reason he thinks she’s sweet, but he’s not interested in her. He only has eyes for you.”

“But she was out all night! Who was she with?”

“Who knows. Vlad? Or Pierre possibly. Harold said he’s a major player. He hooks up with all the girls on his teen tours. The rumor is that he’s already made out with Abby, Max and even Kristin.”

Vile.

“But anyway,” she continued, “don’t worry about my brother. His feelings are obviously upsetting you, so I’ll talk to him again. I saw that he was giving you his googly eyes again at you at dinner, and he’ll have to stop that. I don’t want you creeped out. We’ll work around this. I don’t want you to get all freaked out on me. When we get back to the city, everything will go back to normal, we can all try and forget any of this ever happened and then—”

“But I don’t want to forget,” I blurted out.

She paused. “You don’t?’

“I think I’m in love with your brother,” I whispered.

Now it was Becca’s turn to almost fall off the bed. Except, she did fall off the bed. She did a weird summersaulty backward thing and landed on her butt on top of my open backpack. “Ow.”

“Jeez, are you okay?” If that had been me, I would have needed another trip to the hospital.

“Yes. I think.” She lifted one of my many t-shirts up from under her. “Your clothes broke my fall.”

And that’s when my guava rolled out of the sleeve and across the floor.

“You found it! You’re my hero!” I squealed.

She picked it up and tossed it into my hand. “Can we get back you loving my brother, please?”

“Right. Is that bad?”

She broke out into the biggest smile I have ever seen. Pretty impressive for someone who just fell off a bed. Then she shrieked: “We’re going to be sisters-in-law!”

I started taking faster breaths. Bigger breaths. Trying to. Couldn’t breathe. Needed air. “But. What. If. It.” I wheezed. “Doesn’t . . . work out?”

She put her arm around me. “Linds, take a deep breath, okay?”

I tried. From our window we could hear people laughing outside.

“If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. You break up. You can’t live your life afraid of things breaking down.”

“But…that’s what I do.” That’s what I’ve always done, I realized. I’ve lived my entire life in fear of breaking my legs. My toes. My heart.

But for good reason. “But I did break my toes,” I mumbled to myself.

She raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“I mean, what if it doesn’t work out? What if we break up? What if I break his heart or he breaks mine and then I can’t be your maid of honor anymore?”

She nodded, and carefully considered my point. I love that she knew exactly what I meant. “We’ll have to consciously try to keep our relationship separate from your relationship. It’s complicated. But doable. There’s a difference between being careful and being afraid.”

“Yeah?”

“Didn’t you come on this vacation to learn to take risks?”

I nodded. 

“So what are you waiting for?” she asked. “Go tell him.”

Becca said he was still out with the rest of the group. I didn’t want to leave the premises hunting for him in case I somehow missed him, so instead I parked myself on the tattered couch in the lobby. My heart was thumping like rain against a window.  I guava-fied to calm myself down. Maybe my guava had stayed hidden until I had found the person worthy of being kissed.

Oh God! I see them. Hear them. Penny’s giggles. Max and Kristin’s flashes. I can see him through the glass door. I feel sick. Afraid. Should I run? Hide? Can I do this?