I sat on the couch, my brain pounding in my skull. My eyes lingered on the small card in front of me, trying to hammer the first of twenty five words into my already full head. I tried to read the words, but the banging got louder and louder. For days the bangs were persistent, laughing at my pain and getting louder as my stress and work grew. I wanted to scream, to rip that horrid organ right out of my cranium. My hands flew to my head, trying to stop the torment. I dropped the index cards and watched them uselessly flutter onto the white rug of my living room. I stood up, silently agreeing with my brain to leave the mountain of my work for later. I stared down at my phone and pressed the small power button. The screen began to glow, and I read the dull numbers. It was 8:13, which meant I was working on homework for five hours and thirteen minutes straight. If I was lucky, I assumed, I could get my work done by midnight. At least, the work that was due tomorrow. I didn't want to mention the work I had to do for the next day. Knowing that I would only make tomorrow a worse experience, I climbed up the creaky old stairs of my house and slid into the bathroom.
My hand landed on the cold handle of the shower, and slowly turned the handle. Each drop of water rang in my head, I couldn't hear anything else, but what did it matter now; there is nothing to hear, nor will there ever be in this lonely tomb of a house. I stepped into the screaming water, and couldn't tell if it was scorching or freezing my back. Showers are nice, they're the only time of day when you can think without disturbance. Although, for me, thinking was a nightmare. It's hard not to think in a shower, and so I began to let my mind wander.
My mind tried to run, maybe to a field or forest or some other quiet, serene place, but like everything, my mind was crushed. The overwhelming idea of my book project, research paper, lab report, math final, history final, english essay, and every other assignment stopped my mind from relaxing. Yes, the water was most definitely burning the skin off my back.
My mind got the hint and turned to go home, to relax on the couch and maybe watch television. As soon as it sat down, ten more texts about how annoying, ugly, disgusting, useless, weird, weak, foolish, inconsiderate, irresponsible, moody, narcissistic, and vulgar they are rolled in. Yes, the water was most definitely turning my skin to ice.
I gave up. I stepped out of the shower, and got dressed. I ran to my room, opening an old drawer and pulling out an envelope buried under my elderly clothing. I stared at the envelope, finally focusing on what I planned. Yes, Anna, you're going to suffer in life, but remember, when you're about to give up, remember your reason for suffering. It will always payoff. My mother's young voice tripped through my head. It was the one helpful thing that ever came out of that woman's mouth. I walked down to the kitchen and slammed the aged paper onto the table. Why would I ever listen to my lying mother anyway? I stared once more at the envelope, scanning my eyes over the carefully traced "Goodbye" on the front. Nodding to myself, I left my phone next to the letter. I wouldn't need it. After all, I hadn't gotten a text in a good week. I grabbed my coat and slipped it on. The zipper was oddly loud in the silence of the house. Even my brain had stopped thumping, perhaps it knew that it wouldn't be able to torture me again, so it gave up and moved on. I stepped out into the wintry night. Wind began to brush my hair and cause my cheeks to redden. I began to shuffle down the street. I knew exactly where to go and what to do; as long as I make it there by 8:50, that is. Perhaps my mother did give two good pieces of advice, the second one being never go to the train tracks alone.
