Scars

Chapter One

Trigger warning for mentions of self-harm and suicide.

~~~

I first saw him across the road, laughing at a cafe table with what looked to be his friends, and immediately, I was captivated.

I don't know what it was that made me drawn to him.

Maybe it was the image of pure bliss that was spread across his features.

Maybe it was his stark paleness; the unreal beauty that made him resemble a doll.

He was stunning. Gorgeous.

It was weeks until I saw him again, and that was only because I actively searched for him.

Throughout that month, never for a minute did he leave my mind.

It was driving me crazy.

He was driving me crazy.

For so long, I was able to deny the fact that I liked men, but at that point, this guy who didn't even know I existed made me face the fact I didn't want to accept.

As a result, I decided I would find him, ask him out, and knowing I'd be denied, move on with my life.

With faded cracks in his porcelain skin, he chuckled in response, before introducing himself as 'Nikita', then asked if I'd like to go out for lunch with him.

He took me to the cafe I saw him at.

It didn't even feel like a first date.

I was so comfortable there, with him. The man who had haunted my thoughts for weeks.

The whole experience was ineffable.

~

That was three months ago, and we've been a couple ever since.

It's been the best few months of my life.

There is one problem, though.

His wrist.

Nikita has lots of scars, and he's told me the stories behind them all.

All, except that one.

The only one I don't want to ask about.

Most are on his face, his arms, the back of his hands. Those ones are small, faint. Results of fights from growing up on the streets.

There's couple on his chest, left over from previous surgeries.

The one on his wrist, however, is different.

It's deep, vertical. Doesn't look like it has healed very well.

It's obvious where it came from.

Part of me knows I shouldn't ask, but at the same time, I need to.

In the instances that we spend the night together, and I wake up, he's never next to me.

I asked him about that, too, and he responded with "It's nothing to do with you, babe. I just have trouble sleeping-I need to walk. I promise it's not you." before giving me a kiss, and dropping the topic.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that he sometimes wakes up visibly shaking, I would be suspicious.

But, I do believe him, and I know that whatever caused that scar is still hurting him, even now.

It's completely possible that one day, I could wake up, and he won't be here.

I don't know what to do.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to do.

Hell, I might be reading too much into the situation, and if I were to ever able to find the words to bring the topic up, I could be opening old wounds.

It's only been three months, but Nikita has quickly become so important to me, and as cliche as it sounds, I need him.

I need him here, with me, and I need him to be okay.