Scars

Chapter Three

You up?

It was about midnight when I got his text.
Usually, I would be more than happy to hear from him, but at that hour, he was almost always studying or sleeping.

I quickly sent back Yeah, Nicky. Is everything ok?

No. Was his immediate reply, followed by a barrage of texts.

Can you come over?
I need you
I'm not in a good place
I'm sorry
I need you
Please Caleb

Remembering his wrist, I dropped whatever I was doing at the moment and hurried out of my house, replying, I'm coming, stay safe, ok? Stay safe, for me, please.

~

When Nikita answered the door, it was like I lost control of my body. I couldn't move. I could barely breathe.

He looked haunted. His already pale skin was sickly; his eyes had no light behind them. It was like all the life had been drained out of him.

He wouldn't meet my gaze, he just kept his head to the ground, whispering a quiet, "Thank you", then stepped sideways out of the doorway, and sat down with his back to the wall.

He pulled his knees up to his face, and held himself as he shook, breathing heavily.

Seeing him that way, so vulnerable, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

It took a minute, but soon after I was able to will myself to move again, and I sat down beside him.

A mumbled, "I'm sorry" was directed toward me as soon as I hit the carpet.

"Nikita..." I went to put my arm around his waist, then stopped myself, "there's no reason to be so-"

"Yes. There is. You should be at home right now, not here. I just...I don't trust myself." He glanced at me, before continuing. "I don't know what made this happen. It could be the case we're working on right now, I guess. But... that... was so long ago, and-"
His voice cracked, and instead of attempting to finish his sentence, he took a deep, shaky breath, and aggressively wiped away a tear, obviously not being able to hold them in any longer.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to be able to give him some kind of comfort, but instead Nikita spoke again.
"God," he choked out, along with a hollow laugh, "I forgot how scary this is. Really, I don't want to hurt myself, but that's the only thing running through my mind right now."

I must have stiffened, or shown some sign of panic, because he snapped his head toward me, saying "I won't, though. I promise. That's why you're here, right?"

He let go of his legs completely, then, and straightened them out, before resting his head against the wall and wiping away most of the tears running down his face.

Nikita was doing his best to compose himself, and probably would have succeeded, too, if I had actually known what to do, rather than just crushing him in a hug.

He wrapped his arms around me in return, and started to sob into my shoulder.

There's no words to describe how gut-wrenching that is.
To see someone you love so miserable - especially when they're one who's been keeping you grounded.

It took a while for the both of us to stop shaking.

Everytime Nikita would apologise between sobs, I'd hold him tighter, not being able to find any words for myself.

Eventually, the tears stopped, and he croaked out a quiet, "Thank you, Caleb. I love you. Thank you."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I love you too, you know that."
I pulled back out of the hug, and tried my best to clear up the tracks on his face, keeping my tone quiet, soft, and asking, "Now, dear, can you tell me what I can do for you? Would you like to eat something? I could cook?"

He chuckled delightfully, his eyes still puffy and red from crying, but trying his best to keep smiling, "Please don't."

"Oh, come on, my cooking isn't that bad."

"Yeah, it is."

I had to suppress an eye roll, "Well, then, what would you like me to do?"

"... A chicken kiev would be nice."

"Alright!" I went to get up, "I just have to throw one in the oven, righ-"

I felt Nikita grab my hand, stopping me, and once I turned back to look at him, he added, "And please, Cal, don't leave me. Please, don't leave."

"I won't, I promise. That's why I'm here, right?"