Creative Love - kickthepj x reader

8

A/n WARNING THERE'S TRIGGERS IN HERE:

MENTIONS, EVIDENCE AND THOUGHTS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE,

VERBAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE

K, the more u know..

--time skip bcoz I be lazy--

--Phil's P.O.V--

I haven't seen y/n for two months now. I'm getting really worried; I once even sat outside her flat, for almost a whole day, but she didn't come out. Then I tried again the next day, and the next, but, for three days, she hadn't left the flat. Then, I convinced Chris to do the same for a couple of days, then Pj, then Dan, but none of us saw her leave the flat. Not even for food. And she can't have enough food for both her and James, who hasn't left either, for that long. What if something happened? Two months, she could be dead!

I shook myself, my lip quivering slightly. Since James told us she was feeling ill and we needed to be getting home, she hasn't even been on social media, which is usually her escape from her problems. And seeming as her dad's condition is worsening, she has plenty of problems to escape from. I knew this because her mum can't get hold of her either, so she's been texting me. I'm assuming y/n would have been told this too, probably by doctors over the phone or something. 

But all I know is I haven't seen her for two months and I'm worried, and scared.

The last time she hid herself away like this was when she attempted suicide and she was lost to me for a month. And now this was double that, double the stakes.

--Your P.O.V--

I don't eat. 

I don't cry.

I don't feel.

I don't know. 

I'm lost. In my mind. It's like a dark pit, and every time I think I'm almost out, almost at the top, that my depression is almost over, James drags me back down. Tells me I'm fat. Ugly. Hideous. That I should be dead. But I know he does it because he loves me. You must hurt those you love to help them, he says. That as soon as I know true pain, true despair, I will be grateful for all I used to have. And that is when he'll let me have everything back, he tells me.

I miss them. Phil. Dan. Chris. Pj. I dream about going outside again, about seeing them again, going out for a Starbucks like we used to, going to Saturday game night. Dream about seeing my dad again, who must be dead by now. But then I wake up. And I'm back under James's control. And he hurts me again, leaves me alone until he wants to hurt me, to help me. And I let him. He says it's for the better. And I believe him. He is right, if I want to be a better person, he has to make me one. He's the only one who can. And he will.

--Phil's P.O.V--

I decide I've had enough. I need to see her again. I need her back, my best friend. So do the others, we all miss her so much.

We'd started doing Saturday night game nights again, only for a couple of weeks so far. 

It was at one of these that we decided to go see her again.

----

Pj turned to look at me. We were all playing a half-hearted game of Mario kart. It was too quiet, without her enthusiastic screeches of victory, her shouts of defeat, her laughter.

'Guys, we need to do something. About.. about you know,' Pj's eyes watered as he said this, afraid to say her name in case the tears spilt. 'Has she got a spare key?'

'Err.. I don't know.. But her landlord will for sure,' I said.

'Yeah, but they're hardly just gonna hand out keys to four random guys who just turn up asking for them..' Chris's eyes dulled as he said this, looking down at his lap.