A/N- don't expect anything from name! its just a word that I saw while posting it....
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The cold water felt nice as it hit my body on this cold autumn night. The emotional turmoil that went beneath the sheath of mine, for that it was better. Letting the coldness touch the outside, hoping it would freeze everything beneath it, turning me into an ice. Yes... Ice perhaps would have been better. Ice didn't think, they didn't feel. Could I become like that?
"Hyung!"
54....
it was 54th time that Ken had slammed on the door of the washroom. How long has it been since I entered? Was it too long? Or just for some minutes. I couldn't care.
"Hyung... Please answer to me... why are you doing this?"
I heard his slam getting stronger, any further strength, the door might as well break down.
Can't I stay a bit longer?
I turned off the shower, ruffling my hair with a towel I opened the door up for him, I didn't even realize that I was still wearing clothes in the shower. He stood appalled as I sent him a gentle smile, but he didn't smile back. Rather his eyes widened with questions. I suppose the upturn of my lips were too small to be visible for him.
"I just wanted a shower....why are you so worried?"
I walked passed him, without waiting for his answer. He stood there frozen, I didn't look back. I didn't have the time to. After all, I needed to pack a lot of clothes and catch the next train to ....I dunno where! Any cities or village or... Perhaps country would have been fine..... I just needed to...get away...
I dragged my body to my room, my steps, it never felt this hard to take steps before. Water still dripping from my fringes while the soaked dress kept the trails of water marks on the floor.
What was going on with me?
Yes, he forgot me. Did I not anticipate it? Have I really never considered the possibility of him forgetting me? He was a childhood friend, just a childhood friend. Surely I called him my lifelong friend but had he ever uttered it? No! He did not.Even I don't remember all of the kids that I used to play with when I had been a kid. How could he? When he went to USA...he surely met many a people there. How could he remember me? I might have been among those nameless kids for him. So how could I not think about the possibility of him forgetting me?
I had....
..over a thousand times I had told myself that sentence. I had told myself that he had forgotten all about me. But...
why does it hurt then?
I said this to me so many times then why was it getting this difficult for me to understand? Why could I not accept the fact that Jung Taekwoon could not recognize my color? That Jung Taekwoon failed to remember my name.....that Jung Taekwoon forgot me....
Tears again filled my eyes and I looked up at the roof to prevent them from falling. That trick never worked for me. Tears still made its way down.
Would I cry if Ken had forgotten me after 15 years? Is it normal to cry?
"Hyung why are you packing your clothes?"
Ken's panic filled eyes pulled me from my unsorted thoughts. I tried to sent him a broken smile so he only sees that, but not my tears, that didn't happen. He was always a few inches taller than I, so even when I held my head up to stop the tear, he could see it with no leisure at all.
