Where Only Thoughts Could Take Us

~CHAPTER 1: Cursed~

Sometimes I wonder what life was meant to be, why it all happened in the first place, why we all have different opinions, different tastes in clothing, different favorite foods, different.... everything. Was it because after the dinosaurs died the world needed a new start? Was it because (if the whole religion thing is true) God wanted us to prove to him we could be civil? What ever reason it is, none of it made sense to me.

The only sense I could make out of anything is, life is meant to be a challenge, growing, marriage, children, heart break, death, it's what life has brought it's self to... If that even makes any sense.. but my point is, what if it's our place to figure out what life is really meant to be? What if it's our place to make the best out of what comes? I don't know..

I think to much.

"BRING!" I jumped as I snapped my way back into reality, the bell always seemed to do that. Turned out I had been the last one in the classroom gathering up my books and my notebook I had been writing in the whole time when Mr.Brooks, my English teacher, noticed me making my way toward the door. "Ms. Malfia, may I see you for a moment?"

'Oh great!' I thought, 'Just what I need, to speak to a teacher!' I gave a slight nod and tried my best to act as if it didn't bother me. "Surely your aren't going to stand the whole time?" He said, gesturing to a chair. I let out a a little "Hmm" followed by a small giggle even though I wanted to let out a, "Whatever" followed by an eye roll. Once I sat he just kinda starred at me with crossed arms and leant up about six inches away or something. "Angela", he started, "from what I see, you pay more attention to that notebook of yours than my actual class am I correct?" How was I supposed to answer a question like that?

My blank stare only caused him to ask me again, pushing more pressure on my answer. I couldn't just come out and say, "Yes sir. I never pay attention in your class because I am always to busy writing in my notebook." That would only cause him to stare at me every class from that point to make sure I was paying attention at all times instead of writing. Is it teacher's jobs to make things so complicated?

"Not always..." I managed to spit out while starring at the half eat'n apple on his desk.

"Now Angela, although I do encourage writing for my students, I do not encourage it during class understood?" I didn't want to nod my head. That only meant he won and honestly, I believe teachers have done enough "winning" in their history. But I nodded because I wanted to leave more than win. "Well, I'm glad we're on the page here a I don't want to catch you dozing off into that notebook again understood?"

"Yes."

"Alright your dismissed." As soon as I walked out of the room a load of pressure slipped off my back like a book bag and I must have been holding my breath when I wasn't talking because a long, deep breath spilt from my lips.

He didn't even give me a note.

Well I wasn't willing to put myself through the misery of embarrassment by walking into class late and having every single face starring at mine, so I spent the rest of the period in the bathroom. Even though I didn't have to sit through a long, horrific class, looking at my sorry excuse for an image didn't help. I'm medium height but some people call me short. I have boney arms topped with scrawny shoulders that rest against my nappy red locks in which reach right at the bottom of my back..

Then there's my face.

My grass green eyes are sparked with shades of blue in which collide in the worst of ways. My face is shaped almost like an oval but it isn't easy to explain, freckles surround my strangely medium sized nose and cheeks that are never any other color than pale, my ears, they are so small I never keep them open enough to be seen. In the image I see of myself, the only dash of a benefit is my rosy red, fair sized lips.

Considering the monstrous level my face in general has risen to, it isn't the nightmare... the nightmare is my body.

I'm not fat, I can fit into skinny jeans without looking like a killer whale but the issues is that I'm not skinny either you see, I have this slight chub in the middle of my stomach, it isn't large but it's noticeable which scares the hell out of me. Better yet, right below that is my thunder thighs that stretch out half way around the world, it's almost as if I'm living instead of this tragedy that I can't get myself out of because someone's got me locked inside. I've already lost hope years ago that it will ever end, I'm destined to be that way, I'm cursed.

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So how did you like the first chapter? Yea it might be a little boring at first but I promise it gets better!! ;)

This chapter is dedicated to everyone that suffers from insecurities, I just want you to know that you are not alone and that everyone is beautiful in their own way <3<3

Keep reading please!! I won't let you down!!!