Gone | hs

8-Burn

[Jenna's POV]

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I turn the dog tag over in my hands.

Why did he buy me something?

Doesn't he realize the impending return I will make to the front lines? It would be so much easier for himself if he could just move on.

I run my fingers over the chilled metal and feel the words pressed into the flat side. The chain is elegant. It's almost too ironic.

The tag stands for something brutal and life-changing, nothing elegant or graceful at all.

I'm on the fence about him. Sometimes, I appreciate that he thinks of me and buys me cute dog tags but other times I'm completely infuriated with him because he's making my life more complicated than it needs to be.

If only I had time to figure him out. I will either be going back to Afghanistan in six months or never. I have a ninety percent chance of going back, but maybe, just maybe, that ten percent will pull through.

I can't get my hopes up.

I'll get a letter in June telling me if I will stay or go. If I make any attachments here, it'll be harder for me to go and more depressing if I don't return.

After a few minutes of arguing with myself over the dog tag, I pull the chain around my neck.

Something about this feels right. It's not an illusion of false honor. I deserve to live a life, not waste it away in the military. I deserve love. Maybe Harry can supply me with that love.

My parents died defending this country, so maybe they made that sacrifice so I wouldn't have to follow in their steps.

Maybe I won't have to lie cold in a wooden box while the banner of freedom is draped across the lid. Maybe I won't have to hear the people I've touched in my life cry over my pale body as I'm lowered six feet down. Or the tune of taps playing while my legion salutes me for the last time.

I don't have to do any of that.

---

I typed the message a good hour ago and I'm still debating on whether or not I should send it.

After my thumbs do another dance over the screen, I hit send.

Hey, wanna hang out tonight? Thanks for the gift...

I immediately regret it. What if he thinks I'm clingy? Maybe he just wants to get to know me, or maybe he doesn't know what to think. He could still be upset over his band breaking up and that can influence his feelings as well. He might just need to feel something again.

My phone vibrates and unlock it, anxiously hoping it's from Harry.

It is.

Thought u would like it . Sure, where 2?

I don't know, you decide!

Idk dinner somewhere ?

Sure, pick me up? (:

I guess so...

I live in the apartments on 12th street.

Cya around seven ?

Perfect.

After reviewing the messages, I realize Harry has terrible text language. It's very amusing to reread his sent messages. He sounds like a twelve year old.

I need to get ready!

I have four hours. Should be enough time, but with me you never know.

Rushing into my closet, I pick out an outfit. Its still hasn't snowed a lick, in New York! It's January and I'm not entirely sure if I should wear a dress. Beauty is painful.