My Almost Lover

His Almost Lover

☮ His Almost Lover ☮

I could apologize. Apologize for all that pain I've caused you, without even knowing it. Apologize for being a coward and letting you down. Just apologize for everything.

I could just say 'I'm sorry' and get on with my life.

But what was the point?

No words could ever bring back what was lost. 

Even I know that.

You might think I didn't care, but I did. 

You might think I didn't notice, but I did. 

You might think I didn't feel anything, but I did.

I felt something and somehow, it scared me. 

You were so cheerful and collected that you somehow made me feel that maybe you could help me build myself up again.

You're not naïve at all. You're young and free and you made me see what I was missing. And when you were asking me all those random questions; I was at loss for words. I have no idea how I was supposed to answer them.

Should I smile? Or not?

You weren't annoying me. No.

To me, you seemed to be opening up a small door for new things. I was used to closing up around people; always quiet and sleeping. I'm a bit lazy, you know.

And just when I was about to open up, you closed that door. And without doing anything, you made me feel responsible for making you that quiet girl. I wasn't used to that. I missed your cheerfulness. I really did.

So I just let go of all the things holding me back and did everything I can to capture your attention. I succeeded, I guess because, after a while, you smiled again and it made me happy to know that I did that. I made you happy.

I wanted so bad to make you happy all the time but in the process, I felt it again, that fear. I was afraid, not for myself, but for you. I was scared that I might hurt you and break you. So I kept my distance. I denied all my feelings.