Rejection

Chapter 1- Flashback/Prologue

It's finally the last year of my secondary school education.
The last of the four years that I spent having a crush on him.
Dave Ritzy.
The love of my life.

<Flashback starts>

When I first met him during orientation for our enrolment in year 1, I cannot forget how my heart had beaten wildly at his handsome looks as he stepped in the hall for the first time.
Only when I snapped out of my reverie after a few moments did I realise I had a little drool at the side of my mouth, and that almost all the first-year girls were gawking at him as well.
We were all just the same, swept away by his charming looks.
I knew it was really foolish to do that, the saying 'Do not judge a book by it's cover' was not created without a reason.
So I was determined not to let myself fall at his feet so easily, not at least until I got to know more about him.

Then came a miracle.
We were classmates!
The school works in a way where we would share classes for year 1 and 2 with classmates chosen from random selection by the school, and then we would change classes for year 3 and 4 to study our course of preference.
It surely is fated for us to be together!
If this is a calling or secret bond pulling us closer, I'd willingly submit!
Just as I was wishing to get any luckier, the heavens must be desperately devising plans to douse the burning flame in me.
A lesson to remain humble in good times was taught.
As much as I had hoped, we were not seat-mates.
Everyone in class 1A was paired together, and I was paired off with a random girl while sitting at the back of the class, in a corner right next to the wall.
Whereas, he was sitting also at the back of the class, but in the corner right next to the door instead.
That makes me 9 seats apart from him, curse the distance!
Of course, nothing is worse than to know that his seat partner was one of the prettier girls in class, in school.
I heaved a sigh.

For the two years, I enjoyed class, mainly because of his presence. From time to time, I would observe him from my seat, allowing my eyes the fortune to take in his gorgeous looks. I would also jump at any lucky chance I can get to get close to him if we were grouped together by teachers to do some projects. I purposely remain slightly reserved and impassive though, I didn't want to be like any of those girls who were clearly fawning over him.
Which reminds me, I was secretly glad whenever I see him rejecting confessions by girls coming from all the different classes and even different levels. But jealousy still sparked in me whenever I see him chatting happily with his seat mate, and when his table gets flooded by gifts every Valentine's.
I didn't want to just sit back and watch him remain so apart from me, yet I just couldn't bring myself to get closer to him and even confess! I was a coward through and through.
Thankfully though, I didn't exactly see him getting close and intimate with any of the girls in school, and he usually spent his time in school hanging out with his guy friends.
I also thanked the heavens to be able to have a decent excuse to stalk his social media platforms without appearing as some creepy stalker, and find out more about his life.
After some thorough 'research', he seemed like a normal teenager that lives a pretty normal life. No drama, no vile habits like smoking, drinking, wild underage partying, and last of all, fooling around (with the females may I mention).
Forget normal, he was the epitome of perfection!
Knowing more about him makes me feel like he was a god-given angel, sent down to protect whichever lucky girl that he chooses. And boy, did I wish to be that girl.

For the two years, I struggled to maintain the clean profile of myself where I was a friendly and nice person so everyone would like me. I would also extend my niceness especially to him, hoping that he would appreciate and get the hint that I was indeed available and up for grabs. His grab.
I helped him whenever I can, such as in projects, where I would gallantly volunteer to take up majority of the workload, or do the harder parts of the job.
But I was not blind. I could see it in his eyes that he treated me as a mere classmate, a friend, just another girl, no more. Yet I refused to give up.

He joined the Basketball team when he first enrolled to the school, while I stayed away and hidden behind the shelves of the library in the bookeeping club. I know, what kind of lame club is that? But I loved books and reading and nothing would deter me from joining it.
Moreover, one of the perks of the club include early dismissals. And I would always dash out of the library to join the crowd of girls eyeing my favourite man on the court like eagles to their prey. He was the prey alright but I am going to be the warrior defending him with my life!
The way he moves. The way he dribbles the ball. The way he uses cool and clever techniques and tactics to avoid his opponents and get the ball in the hoop. The way he jumps and let the shirt ride up to reveal his toned muscles underneath. The way he grins in delight whenever he wins with the dimples carved deeply in his cheeks and how his eyes curved upwards to emphasise his joy.
Oh my.
I could feel my heart speeding into overdrive while I squealed like one of the mad women surrounding the court.
I was so blessed to never get caught acting so shameless in front of him!
It was weird how there would be girls crowding the court every Basketball session, and no one gets chased away by the coach. But I guess we were sorta like pests with unwavering spirits? So the coach must have just given up trying to chase us away after realising what we were made of. And hey, freedom of sight here! We own the rights to see what we want to see! And more importantly, who we want to see...
I would then quietly take my leave before the session ends so I would not be caught in the crowd of 'pests', secretly satisfied and overjoyed that I had my fill of watching him and that my desires were satiated for the day.

Sadly, two years of happiness passed by in a blink of an eye and soon it was time for a change of classes. I craved to be in the same class as him once more, but I couldn't find any reasonable excuse to ask him about his course of choice without appearing like some desperate stalker. Also, consulting his friends was definitely going to be a dead giveaway to my intentions. So no way was I doing that!
Hence, I had no other choice than to choose the course on my own and pray hard to higher beings that I would once again be given the opportunity to get into the same class as him.
It was safe to say that divine interventions have failed en route to my life.
I ended up in class 3A while he was in the last class, 3F. That made us 5 classes apart! This distance was even more accursed!
I whined and lamented and cried after realising how this long-distance relationship is going to fail sooner or later. And by relationship I meant him treating me like a classmate while I stalk his tail to no end. We haven't even started and the end was already in sight in the near future! How was I ever going to cope with this...

I tried and I tried. In year 3, the only chance I had left to near him was during his Basketball trainings. So I never failed to turn up for every of them and watch his every game to render my full support. He grew as the days go by and as he matured, his charm and male beauty stayed loyal to him, just like my feelings for him. If anything, I could only say he grew hotter and hotter, making my mind and heart burn at the thought of him. It was so tiring to just oogle at him from afar while the itch to get close to him burned in me, and the growing distance did nothing more than pierce my heart with daggers. We had zero interaction and I was pretty sure I no longer existed in his life. The year passed by slowly and painfully and I felt my life crumbling as the days go by...

I was close to giving up, because I do realise that me sitting back and stalking him endlessly without him knowing anything is equivalent to me doing nothing at all. I mulled over it everyday, until I came to a conclusion at last.
Finally, I was putting an end to my sorrow.
I was about to solve my problem.

I am going to,
confess.

<Flashback ends>