Saint

Chapter | 1

Your eyes are hooded as you stare out at the city and I wanna hold your hand more than anything in this moment as we sit together and smoke a joint on the roof. You seem to sense my eyes on your long, pale fingers so you take my warm hand. Your skin is so smooth and you know I love doing anything that makes me feel close to you. A touch like this from you is so much more intimate than being under you. Your fingers are loose, intertwined with mine, and mine are clutching your hand like I never want to let you go.

And I don't.

I can't meet your eyes or look at your face. I stare out at the city and begin to shake when I feel your eyes on me. I wonder how I look to you. I feel ugly, despite the constant compliments from other men. You rarely tell me I'm beautiful but when you do it means so much.

I'm a slut, well-known for it to. I've had many guys but no one has ever made me feel like you do. With you, there is no one else. You make me feel so whole. 

I thought I was in love many times until I met you. 

You're different.

And I do love you. 

I've never told you out loud but you know I do.

You could see it in the worry in my eyes when you told me you might have overdosed and in the excitement in my eyes when you ask me to do something for you.

You're scared, I can tell. You've been hurt even more than I have.

I'm scared to, because I don't ever want to hurt you.

You leave often, always saying you're done with me. You swear at me and tell me to get the fuck out of your life. I say nothing, and few minutes or days later you cool down and say "hey" like nothing ever happened. And I still take you back, because I'm too wrapped up in you to ever untangle myself.

And you know it.

Even if I hadn't ever told you, you'd still know.

You've seen the Polaroids I keep of you in the pocket of my favorite leather jacket. You don't mind the paintings I keep of you on my wall. You always say they're improving, so I paint more.

You exhale a large cloud of smoke into the air and I want to capture the moment but the night is too dark. I want your camera, the one you use rarely, only to take pictures of beautiful things.

You've never taken a picture of me.

The moonlight illuminates your skin and puts a gleam in your dark eyes. My eyes drift to your lips, the bottom more full that the top and I am so tempted to kiss you.

You meet my eyes before I can look away and I blush hard. My face is hot and my palm is sweaty. Your hand slips out of mine and I feel my fingers twitch.

I try to act unaffected, and casually wipe my hand on my thigh. You take a swig from your bottle, turning up the music on your phone just a little. It's your favorite song at the moment, that one by Kyle. I toy with my fingers, hoping you'll sing along because I love your voice. 

And you do and it makes me feel warm. 

I love seeing you playful like this, its so different from your short texts. I love watching that mischievous smile appear on your face as you watch me try not to watch you. It makes me smile to. 

You seem so at ease in this moment, despite me being the shaky fucking mess I am right next to you. My eyes drift over your lips, so full and tempting. I lick my own, eyes  hooded. I wanna touch you, like I've never wanted anything else. 

And only you can do this to me, Saint. 

Just you.

After I finally meet those gleaming eyes, you take my chin in your hand and press my lips against yours, like you read my mind.

And I feel alive, I'm not shy when it comes to explicit things and maybe that's why you like me. I nibble your lower lip and shift onto my knees, hands reaching up to touch you because your mouth on mine was the only permission I needed. One on your jaw and the other on your chest. Your stubble scratches my fingers in the most delicious way. You're such a man, and I fucking love it.

Your mouth coaxes my lips open and your tongue flicks at mine wickedly until I'm moaning for you. I straddle you, one of your hands on my ass and the other sneaking under my top.

And then your mouth is on my neck and I'm moaning for you and rocking my hips.

And then we spend all night getting even more familiar with each other's bodies. Figuring out where to kiss and touch, what elicits a moan and what causes a gasp or growl. 

We fall asleep together, for the first time. Your arms are around me, clutching me to your chest, and I try not to shake because I don't want to wake you up, but damn this moment is so special to me. I snuggle my head against your chest, wondering how I got so lucky to meet you.

My body is sore, but I've never felt better.

And the sound of your breath and your music still playing lulls me to sleep.