The Truth of Past and Present

Chapter 19: I scare a Garindian and have a nervous breakdown

Things were relatively quiet after...whatever that was that happened in the backroom with Daniel. Everything went smoothly for the rest of the day: orders, serving, the later the hour, the rowdier the customers, the usual. It passed by in a blur.

For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about Daniel and what had...almost...happened. I caught myself taking frequent glances at the vents, wondering if he was watching me. Part of me wondered if I should be creeped out by him stalking me, another part was curious as to why. He didn't exactly have anything to do all day, I supposed, but still, why did he watch me so closely?

I was so preoccupied with these thoughts that I ran into one of the customers at the counter, spilling a half-full glass of Garrenian Bubbly 3015 everywhere. He was one of the rougher, smuggler types that I had learned to keep my distance from.

Well, everything goes down the drain sooner or later.

The Garindian jumped up, shouting obscenities and clenching his fists in rage. Suddenly, he threw a punch at my face.

By this time, I was completely done. I was tired, I had guy problems, and I had already been hit in the face once that day. In my anger, I reached up my hand.

And I caught his fist.

I was too done to even be that surprised. I just wrenched his arm, halting his forward movement, and stepped in close to his face, my own face curled into a snarl.

"Listen, buster, I've had a long day here. I've had problems up the Milky Way, and you are the last in a long line. Now, you can either leave or wait to see what happens next, but I will warn you that it does not end well for the guy who gets in my way."

The fight went fully out of that Garindian as soon as he saw my face. He actually apologized and sat back down in his seat as I refilled his drink.

When I returned to the kitchen, Wadser was there. He placed a floury hand on my shoulder and turned me around to face him. His brow was furrowed, his lips were pressed in a thin line, and his eyes were slightly narrowed, watching me with a hint of worry.

"Neri, are you alright?"

I tried to shrug his hand off. "Fine. Just fine." I didn't sound convinced, even to myself.

"Really?" he asked me. "Because, to me, you look like a freighter-load of explosives about to go off."

I turned away, clamming up. "Wadser, forget it. I lost my temper, that's it."

"I don't think it is." he replied gently.

Suddenly, I felt myself getting angry. In a split second, I heated up and exploded. "Just...nuke off, alright? Leace me alone!" I yelled before covering my mouth with my hand, too late.

Wadser's face changed from concerned to startled to grim in a few seconds. All four of his flour-covered hands grabbed me, spun me around, and marched me into the very back of the cantina, where Daniel was hidden.

He met us with a grin. "You scared that guy out of his trousers, Neri! That was..." both his grin and his voice faded as he registered the tension. Wadser spun me around.

"You and I both know that you are not "just fine"." he snapped.

Finally, I let it all out.

Everything that I had held in since my 17th birthday, the emotional turmoil, the mental conflict, the frustration and exasperation and guilt and confusion.

"Of course I'm not!" I screamed. "Within the course of two months, my life has turned upside down, started orbiting in the opposite direction, and gone supernova! My dad is a slaver, I am now a wanted fugitive, I broke a guy I barely knew out of Imperial Prison, my best friend is my evil father's prisoner, and I am about to break her and two Vigilants out of the Governor of Medissera's basement! The first time I did this, I flew by the seat of my pants. I used my position as the Governor's daughter and as a girl to get as far as I did, but that won't work twice! I was able to keep myself together for this long, but now that all of this has happened...I've tried to keep it together, but now I...I'm scared." As much as I had denied it to myself, it was true. "If this fails, Marissa and your two friends will die, and so will we, Daniel. It'll be all over, and it'll be all my fault." I couldn't hold it in any longer. It was true, I was scared, I was stressed, and so, so very tired of this game of deception, of playing tough.

Once one tear fell, the rest followed immediately. The whole time I had lived in the lower levels, I had held in my emotions; my fear of being found out, my devastation at my father's true nature, my frustration at being so lost and confused in the lower levels, my exhaustion every night as I fell into bed, bruised and battered from training, footsore and stressed from working in the cantina all day. I had wanted to appear strong, tough and calm in the storm we were in, but the act was something I could not keep up, not anymore.

Instead I cried, hard. At the same time, I felt my face go red. I was embarrassed to have Daniel see me like this, so vulnerable and weak and emotional. Since we had first met, I had tried to seem invincible, to act like I didn't need help with anything, I didn't know why. So I just sat on a barrel of Gringa juice and put my face in my hands and cried. So many tears, so many sobs and sniffles.

Looking a little awkward, Daniel stepped forward and put his hand on my shoulder, patting it softly. "Why would it be your fault?" he asked.

I snuffled, trying to slow down my breathing enough to answer. "B...because! I...I was naive enough to believe the lies I was told for m...my entire life! Heck, my father lied to me since I was born, and only with an insane amount of pushing did I wise up. S...seventeen years!"

"Neri, are you serious?" Daniel looked at me, incredulous. "If anything happened, it would most likely be my fault! I got myself caught, both on my home planet and in the marketplace. When that happened, who got me out?" he put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "Who?"

I bowed my head. "Daniel, I was lucky-"

"Who?!" He yelled at me.

"Me!" I finally answered.

"Yes." he looked at me, never breaking his gaze. "You did. Against all odds. You were the one who found out the truth and did something about it. You got me out of that place with nothing more than your brains and a batch of cookies!" Despite myself, I laughed.
"In less than a day, you had a plan that actually worked. You, a high-level aristocrat, got a job in the lower sectors and worked day and night to make something of yourself. Neri, no matter what happens, it won't be your fault. And even if it is, you'll find a way out of it. You're that badass." With that, he pulled me close to him and hugged me tightly. I was surprised, but not as mortified as I thought I would be. It was actually kind of nice...

"I hate to end the moment, kids, but it's getting late." Wadser tapped us gently.

Slowly, Daniel and I pulled apart. He looked at me. I looked back. "I have a plan."

"Well, in that case, you're going to need this." Wadser handed me a set of keys. "Your new ship awaits."