The things I couldn't say

        Hey. My name is Y/N. Here is how my world got broken down;

So I had been a 5SOS fan for quite some time now, and my favourite had always been Michael. I wrote a message to him but never sent it.

'Hey, Michael.
I'm a really big fan of yours. I have loved you for so many years, you've been my role model for all of these years. I once dreamt of meeting you and you falling in love with me. I feel so stupid for that though, not only because you can have anybody you could ever dream of, but also cause I'm just a fan. Just a worthless, stupid fan. I will never be anything more to you. And I wish things were different. I really do, and not just the big things.. the little things too.
Michael, you stood out from the rest of them.. and I'm not sure why. You did something. You made me feel something. I don't know what and I don't know how. You saved me, you all saved me. From my own destruction. From my own death. You're on my mind 24/7. You're always there. I can't seem to stop it. I go to cut, and you're at the back of my head saying "stay strong beautiful it will be alright" and "keep smiling beautiful". And it still stops me from doing it.
You've really made an impact on my life and you don't even know who I am. And you've made me the person I am today. You've made me loving and caring and understanding. You've made me see the world and see situations differently. You've made me understand what's it's like to be completely in love with someone and not be able to tell them.
These are the things I couldn't say.
You're kind and caring and loving to all. You understand people and try to find the best way to respond to things. You try to find the best in every situation. And I'm thanking you for all of this. And I guess I'm also thanking you for breaking my heart. You've broken my heart by not doing anything. It's not your fault but you've broken it by making me love you.
Those were the things I couldn't say. I'm sorry for wasting your time...'

I wrote it half a year ago. And I only sent it 20 minutes ago. He's not here for me anymore. So this is where I say goodbye to the world..