The honest truth is this.
I wake up every morning & inwardly I sigh.
I don't want to wake up.
I don't want to face another day.
I am tired, so tired of getting up every morning.
Another day of running,
Of battling,
Battling my mind, battling through time, battling my weight,
The clock, always ticking, never enough time to do everything I need to do,
Never enough time to rest, constant going, fighting, pushing forward, starving, scarfing,
Mentally, physically, emotionally...
Every day is a rewind, fast forward, repeat,
A few differences here & there,
Not so major events that I dread.
Facing people with the mentality of an introvert,
Their positivity rubs in the pain I feel.
Their, 'How are you?" so much less than genuine.
"Be strong & be positive."
Stop belittling my pain!
I don't want to keep going. I am so...so very done.
STOP.
Why am I here?
Why is every day like this?
I try to do this on my own & as you can see, I fail miserably.
STOP.
I wake up & I'm already done.
But there's a whisper...
You're not meant to do this alone...
You don't have to do this day on your own...
Trust me...
I promise to lead you,
I promise to be with you,
I promise to never leave you,
Even when you push me away,
When you refuse me,
I am still there & I am still in Control.
If you will trust me,
If you will release to me the control you so badly wish for...
You will see that you are not alone.
You will feel my strength carry you through the day.
If you will look to me,
If you will lock eyes with me,
You will see how much I love you,
You will see how big I am compared to your problems.
There is NOTHING to big for me.
So I will battle,
Every day,
To trust.
The One who saves me from myself & the darkness in my mind that tries to bury me in hopelessness.
I will look up to the eyes I am so unworthy to look on,
But I see only love.
He walks me through each moment & carries me through the day.
Because without Him...
I would have died a long time ago,
Without Him I wouldn't be alive to begin with.
He promises Real Life.
I'm taking Him up on His promises & pushing the lies I know so well aside.
Every day is still a war,
But I get to choose,
Lies & hopelessness or Truth & trust.
