Stupid First Impressions

Stupid First Impressions - Part 20

I stood at Luke's front door, my heart hammering in my chest. I was pretty sure my palms were sweating a little. I wasn't sure if I wanted to ring the doorbell and face the inevitable "I haven't seen /you/ in a while Amy!"s. So I chickened out, texting Luke to let him know I was at the door. My heart started hammering harder as I pressed send, knowing that there was no turning back.

I waited for a couple of minutes, wondering if it was worth ringing the bell after all when the door swung open to reveal Luke, wearing jeans and a shirt that were both a little worn. I couldn't explain it but he looked so endearing to me like that, a little shabbier than he usually dressed. I stumbled over the words that came pouring out of me, small talk about the weather and how long it had been since I had come over last. I knew I was rambling and sounded weird but I couldn't help it - this was Luke, whom I hadn't spoken to in weeks and now we were spending the day alone together.

But Luke seemed...well, like Luke. He seemed at ease and comfortable, hands still and loose by his sides, no obvious stomach churning. We spent a while longer just standing awkwardly before he motioned for us to go upstairs. I smiled awkwardly and insisted he walk ahead of me, not wanting to trip in front of him or let him know how flustered I really was.

Once we were safely behind shut doors, I expected it would get easier to talk. If Luke bothered with talking at all and didn't just swoop in and kiss me, like I had been imagining for so many years. But it didn't. Get easier to talk I mean. We sat there silently for a few minutes and then he started saying how he was really sorry he hadn't believed me about Marigold.

Which of course got the ball rolling on the whole 'I'm so stupid, how did I ever fall for her act, woe is me' thing which I should have been sympathetic towards. Or at least, you know, smug that I was finally getting the attention from the guy that I had said only two days ago was perfect for me in every way. But I shouldn't be thinking about talking to Geoffrey when my suddenly could-be boyfriend was spilling his guts about his heartache and misery. I shouldn't be thinking back to the not-fight we had yesterday when Geoffrey had found out I was spending time with Luke today.

But now that I was thinking about it...ok, so Luke's sob story about how she was totally different to what he thought was maybe getting on my nerves. He didn't even really /need/ me to listen, just make reassuring noises and give some advice at the end. At least when Geoffrey and I spoke, I felt engaged and, well, like a gave a hoot. But I didn't care to talk about Marigold on good days, when I thought that nothing could bring me down because my new friends were 100% behind me. So hearing Luke whine about how unfair life was to make him like someone who was clearly bad for him was not exactly how I thought today would go.

I mean, I wasn't expecting him to swoon and forget that he had had his heart ripped out by some cheap blonde tramp but I guess I was hoping he would be saying stuff like "Oh Amy, you're the only one who was ever here for me, how could I be so blind" and that would make it ok because I would look at him all shy and innocent and say that of course I was because...

But no. Geoffrey was right, Luke was clueless and always had been. And now that I knew what it was like to be listened to, this whole pity parade thing was kind of...well, pathetic to me I guess. I wondered, briefly and with a great deal of horror, if this is what I had sounded like to Geoffrey when I talked about Luke. Oh sweet mother Hubbard, I hoped not or I was going to be mortified when I next spoke to him.

Not that I knew when that was, I thought dejectedly. With the term being over and me not needing help with homework anymore, Geoffrey and I hadn't made any plans to meet up in the week running up to Christmas. And that sucked because I kind of wanted to make sure our friendship was back on solid ground. I mean, I know we hadn't fought but he'd made it pretty clear that he wasn't happy that I was just letting Luke pick up where we had left off like nothing had happened. But I guess after Thursday he had decided it was best not to voice his opinion on the matter so he had opted for less obvious signs of disapproval.