Guarded Love (COMPLETED)

Math of the Stars

She didn't realize she fully worried the drawstring out of her tunic until it flopped onto her lap. Growling at the idiocy of having to spend the time stuffing it back into the loops tomorrow, Reiss focused all her anger upon it instead of the gloom hanging over her head. She acted pleased but aloof while delivering the good news to Harding, doing her damnedest to not think anything about how Lunet was going to spill the beans the first chance she had to her girlfriend. Or how her once good friend would convince Harding of her same thoughts. Lune had the kind of charm that would bowl a person over to her side whether they wanted to be there or not.

Freed of the armor, Reiss should feel lighter and able to breathe, but a weight pressed upon her chest that had nothing to do with pounds of steel anchored to her. How dare she! How dare she stomp around assuming things about Reiss' life, a life she barely knew anything about. They never even spoke about...okay, that was all on Reiss because she'd been putting her all into this job. Into this job that was now inexplicably tied to her heart.

Rocking back and forth on her feet, her ass barely sunk into the waning mattress. It was plummeting deeper to the floor with each night, not used to two people spending so much vigorous time on it. What was she doing? This wasn't some fairytale where the prince spots the hardworking and kind woman in the city dregs and plucks her out of the gutter to wear frilly dresses and take tea with Dukes for the rest of her life. Reiss wasn't a fan of ruffles anyway, her torso too long to support the wide hip trend. It made her look like a stick jammed onto the top of a cupcake.

She wasn't beautiful enough to capture a King's attentions. All her knowledge amounted to was serving in the lower barracks in an army, how to do various menial labors, and the collective readings of the most mind rotting books produced in thedas -- things royalty couldn't give two shits about. Her charm could at best be compared to a mabari leaping onto a table in the middle of dinner, snatching up a roast, and giving chase out the door. Chapped skin, pockmarks courtesy of childhood illnesses left to run their courses, bathed regularly in the perfume of sweat and blood, they were all things that had no chance of keeping a noble man's notice for longer than...than what? A few weeks? A month? Two?

Maker take Lunet for putting these thoughts in her head! She'd been so certain with Alistair, the man, but add in the weight of the crown and Reiss felt herself buckling in an instant. When she'd slipped down to the armory to strip the uniform off, she left him at his desk, reading through one of the stack of private letters he received. In retrospect, most likely from the Hero of Ferelden. There was an educated, beautiful, and charming woman who also happened to save the entire world and even she couldn't keep a hold of him. What chance in thedas did Reiss have?

Glancing up at her flower bouquet, her eyes gazed past it to the woman staring back at her. The filthy mirror didn't give much away, but she could see the marks of the road clinging to her cheek. Licking her finger, Reiss tried to rub the dust away but only managed to smear it around. She could rise and attempt to properly wash it off, but she feared standing while waiting in anticipation for the knock on her door. Any mood she felt was long obliterated by Lunet, Reiss wanting to bury herself under her covers and read the trashiest tomes she had to forget, but how would he respond? Would he be upset if she declined? Could she?

That fear hovered over her head like a dark wraith, tendrils snapping out of the cloak to drag her frown deeper. If it was just Alistair...but it wasn't. It would never be. Boss and monarch in one. What have you done to yourself, Rat? Reiss groaned, her face plummeting into her lap, fingers digging into her forehead.

A gentle knocking against their shared door crashed through her haze and she sat up fast. Glancing once at the betraying mirror, Reiss tried to wipe the pain out of her eyes and forced on a smile. "Come in," she called. She never locked the door.